Baring it All with Rose and Chrystal
Welcome to Baring It All with Rose and Chrystal. The podcast is where they deep-dive unfiltered into all things motherhood, mental health, relationships and having conversations about things happening in their lives as they navigate it.
Think of it like your two best friends learning, having fun, asking questions about things they wish they knew sooner, laughing and supporting each other through life's ups and downs.
They want to get to know you more about each other and our bodies in general; sometimes it gets emotional, other times spicy, and most of the time their minds are in the gutter.
Join the ride as they unpack taboo topics, chat about everyday life, learn and talk with incredible guests and industry professionals who have been through it, baring it all by sharing their stories.
Baring it All with Rose and Chrystal
Charlotte Beswick - Insights on Healing, Intuition and Forgiveness
Let's Chat! send us a message, question or a confession to unpack!
Ever wonder how energy healing could transform your life? Join us as Charlotte Beswick, a certified Reiki master, Spiritual Mentor, Teacher, Intuitive Channel, and master Energy Healer, brings her incredible insights and personal stories to our podcast.
She unveils the secrets of this Japanese practice and dives into the world of energy healing, revealing her ability to sense emotions and even physical sensations in her clients. From misconceptions to miraculous transformations, Charlotte’s journey will leave you questioning the unseen energies surrounding us daily.
We also tackle the silent battles many face with self-perception and the weight of internal narratives shaped by our past. Charlotte candidly discusses growing up under the shadow of alcoholism, its impact on her self-worth, struggles with bulimia and the journey towards unlearning these damaging beliefs. Through laughter and genuine reflection, we explore the liberation found in questioning our ingrained perceptions and embracing the fullness of our emotions.
As the episode unfolds, Charlotte teaches us the power of letting go and looking at forgiveness from a different point of view. She takes us through some of her own healing dynamics within her family relationships strained by addiction and dementia. Witness the powerful process of forgiveness and reconciliation and the significance of compassion and understanding. From navigating anxiety and spiritual growth to the comfort of shared song lyrics, this heartfelt dialogue celebrates personal and collective healing, leaving you with a comforting sense of shared human experience.
Find Charlotte on Instagram HERE
https://www.charlottebeswick.com/
Charlotte has offered our listeners a discount. Mention or use the code below.
BARING15
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
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And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.
Charlotte Beswick:Where the conversations get real emotions run raw and nothing is filtered.
Rose Oates:Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep, diving into everything from motherhood to mental health and everything in between. We want to get to know you, each other and our bodies, and things are going to get spicy Raspassy.
Charlotte Beswick:Are you ready for it?
Rose Oates:Let's do it. Welcome back to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal. Today we have Charlotte, a certified Reiki master, spiritual mentor and mindfulness practitioner, to join us. With seven years of experience as a mentor and healer, charlotte supports healing journeys with expertise in energy modalities, spiritual practices, somatics, trauma and mindfulness. Charlotte's personal journey includes overcoming an eating disorder, severe anxiety, chronic pain and healing from childhood and adult trauma. She blends spiritual guidance with practical techniques to help her clients transform their lives and relationships. Sharla is based here in Perth, western Australia, but offers online and in-person healing sessions, one-on-one mentoring, sister circles and events, and she dedicates her time to helping people worldwide and we're so excited to have her on the pod today with us to share her journey and have just a general conversation with us. I have met Charlotte through doing some Reiki and some healing circles myself and it was absolutely incredible. So welcome to the pod, charlotte. Thank you, ladies.
Charlotte Beswick:Welcome to Bearing it All. Why has it gone silent?
Rose Oates:I don't know. I thought you were going to say something else, so I let you.
Charlotte Beswick:Welcome Charlotte to Bearing it All.
Rose Oates:Thanks, crystal. Yeah, I'm really excited to have you in the studio today, excited to be here. Isn't this the most awkward part? Like when you're just in the beginning you're like hi guys, that's Nev.
Charlotte Beswick:I've never seen you before. Well, it's better than you last week. Welcome to our show.
Rose Oates:I didn't know, I even said that. But yeah, I'm really excited to be having you here today. I've actually had a lot of experience with you. Experiences with you, Experiences with Charlotte. She is a Reiki practitioner, a master, and I've been to beautiful healing events. Yeah, I've done some healing with you recently for the first time. She was my first in-person healing experience and I was telling you the other night that when you did my Reiki, I had like this weird time warp. I think you were doing it for 45 minutes and then it was really relaxing. I felt like I was just like drifting off to sleep and you took me out of it and I was like, what was that? Like 10, 15 minutes. I was like, okay, maybe this is shorter than I think I've never had Reiki before and she'd been doing everything for like 10, 15 minutes. I was like, okay, maybe this is shorter than I think I've never had Reiki before and she'd been doing everything for like the last 45 minutes and I went into this weird time warp.
Chrystal :It happens all the time People go. Did you not just start?
Rose Oates:I was like have I been ripped off? What is going?
Charlotte Beswick:on. Oh now, I remember the conversation because we stayed at a hotel on the weekend and Rose was feeling a little bit deflated so all of us thought that we would pretend we were Reiki masters and we're like over the top of her and we're like get away, get away and they were like is this even? How we do it.
Rose Oates:I was like I'm sure it feels better, like it was making me laugh, so like we were removing energy or something. But yeah, then I ended up explaining like that I have had a Reiki experience and it was amazing.
Charlotte Beswick:So Well, I'm a bit of a virgin for this, yeah, like I don't really know much about Reiki. What you do, none of it, it's very new to me.
Rose Oates:You took the words out of my mouth because I thought to start. Can you please explain what you do and what Reiki is Like? Not everyone actually knows Everyone's like. So she's doing something on me, but she's not touching me.
Charlotte Beswick:Okay, I thought Reiki was they take you into a garden and you do Reiki together and like, do some free spirited stuff in the garden with a Reiki, because you're Reiki-ing, I don't know I love it.
Rose Oates:This is exactly what weaking? I don't know. I love it. This is exactly what we need. I don't have a garden rake, okay, good.
Charlotte Beswick:Just saying, that's how my brain works.
Chrystal :I love it and a lot of people don't initially know what it is. Maybe I've heard of it and it's like what is that? I'm intrigued and that's the first part is people generally are curious, they've no idea. So Reiki originates from Japan and it means universal life force energy. So basically you get attuned to this life force energy through your hands, through symbols, and that allows you to channel that energy to promote healing in somebody, healing in somebody's body. You work through their chakras, which are known as their energy centers, and it can support them with a number of things like feeling lighter, less anxious.
Chrystal :I'm fortunate enough that I'm also psychic, so when I tune into somebody and I'm connected to the energy, I also pick up on feelings, sensations in their body, things that they're experiencing. Sometimes I'll start to feel stuff in my own body Like if someone's got something going on in their gut. My gut starts to go and I go oh, what is good? Oh, okay, that's the clients. Sometimes I feel emotional, the client does, and the guidance comes through to support people on their own journey. So sometimes I'll get messages from spirit, sometimes loved ones that have passed over coming as well, and then people generally go into a time warp, they feel heavy light, get emotional. Any number of things can happen and sometimes people just lie there and float away and take that pause maybe from life and just go. Oh, I can let go here and I can receive. And then they walk out feeling lighter, more refreshed. They've got some guidance that maybe they've been searching for for a really long time. So when is your next?
Charlotte Beswick:appointment. Saturday We'll be putting all of.
Rose Oates:Charlotte's details in the show notes. Guys, be sure, damn, I feel like I need that. It was so good. I felt all of the above, I think, for me. I don't take much time for myself, so it was an hour just for me. And then I went into the weird time warp and then I'm pretty sure I cried. I could be wrong, but I feel like I did. And then I did like to be touched. I don't know why, but you did occasionally lay a hand on me.
Chrystal :I like it. It was good for me.
Rose Oates:It was good for you, but it was very relaxing. And then we had some messages at the end and I just I was quite emotional. And then what I didn't realise as well is after I was like I want to chat about this, I want to tell everyone what happened and I couldn't like there was so much energy. I didn't realise you needed time to recover at all, like I think it took me it's pretty hard for you to not talk either.
Rose Oates:That's exactly right, like it's my thing, like how I release energy through talking and how I process things, and I actually like went in.
Chrystal :And people. Do you know we're so busy, we do so much in a day? You know we're in our heads a lot. Do you know we're so busy, we do so much in a day? You know we're in our heads a lot, rushing around all the time and you take pause and just fill yourself up. And sometimes people have to take that introspection to go, oh my gosh, like I just gave myself, like it's literally filling you up with light. That's the way I look at Reiki and everyone needs that Like we're so heavy, we do so much, we're carrying so much emotionally, and then you fill yourself up with light and you walk away like, of course you're going to feel emotional because you've more than likely been pushing that down all throughout your life, keeping busy, you know, looking after the kids, going here, doing that rushing, and it's like, oh, it's like that release of energy that can happen that most people really need right now.
Rose Oates:Yeah, we don't take time for ourselves and we don't want to think about our problems, so we fill it up with doing other stuff.
Charlotte Beswick:I wonder who that might be. I don't know who you're talking about, but more about you, charlotte. I'm damn interested in how this all began Exactly. Can?
Rose Oates:you start us like, just give us a short like, tell us about you.
Chrystal :So I guess my journey really began when I left home young. I left home when I was 16 and found myself living in a caravan. I quit school, I was working three jobs and I was isolated from my family. You know for my own choices at that time and it was a really hard time in my life. I was chronically anxious, had no confidence in myself and this kind of progressed and then I found myself just going from really bad relationship to bad relationship to bad relationship and I hit the point when I was 24, I was like something's got to change. I want to travel the world. I'm going, Left the UK, packed my bags, went on a round the world tour by myself and found myself in Australia and I was living in Sydney, in Bondi. But what I didn't realize was that I went with me. So everything that I was experiencing when I was 16 and younger, right the way up until that moment, I took with me. So my anxiety hit a peak like really bad, Whereas you thought you were leaving it behind.
Rose Oates:You're like I'm going to pick up, I'm going to change my circumstance, I'm going to change my location. That means that I can get away from my problems. But you took. You were saying basically, you're saying the problem, I'm the problem.
Charlotte Beswick:It's me. They put themselves in your suitcase and came along for the ride. They really did.
Chrystal :My baggage came with me, yeah, and I thought I could escape it and I couldn't. And I ended up on the bathroom floor on my complete rock bottom moment. And this was back in 2010,. And I'd been struggling alone with bulimia for 13 years. It started when I was 12. I never told anybody, I kept it quiet, I kept it a secret from every single person in my life. And that rock bottom moment in Sydney, I remember I was on the floor just like I can't go on like this, like this isn't my life. And this is where I heard a voice that said ask for help. And I was like it wasn't my voice, it wasn't the voice inside my head, it was like another voice and energy I now know to be spirit ask for help. And I realized in that moment that I'd never asked. I never let anyone support me. I'll do it.
Chrystal :I'm hyper independent, have to be from a really young age and I went on this massive healing journey. From that moment, you know, I went into therapy, I started looking after myself, I started really unpacking my baggage. You know all the trauma that I'd experienced as a child. You know my mom's an alcoholic. I grew up with that. My dad wasn't around. There was a lot of things that I'd carried for a really long time that I never talked about, never shared with anybody, and it started this journey that's now been a 14-year journey of healing and self-discovery.
Charlotte Beswick:Do you think that the bulimia happened because of those things? Oh for sure. And also, having bulimia for 13 years, that has like a massive toll on your body, right?
Rose Oates:No wonder you were tired, yeah, and you were just tired. It's exhausting, yeah, 100% Mentally and physically.
Chrystal :Yeah, it's exhausting. Yeah, 100% Mentally and physically. Yeah, and people think bulimia is often an eating disorder about food, and, yes, that's a portion of it, but it's about control. Yep, I had no control over my circumstances as a child. I had no control over anything that happened, so I controlled the one thing that I could. Yeah, at that time, which I thought was the best way obviously wasn't. You know, my body did take a toll and I still have some gut problems now that come up as a result of it.
Charlotte Beswick:I was going to say, like do you have any long term like health effects now from that?
Chrystal :I've worked a lot on a lot of different areas health, nutrition, wise, healing my body, self-love, self-care. They're fundamentals in my life. Because I punished my body, you know I hated myself for a really long time and it's taken a lot of work.
Rose Oates:I can completely understand where you're coming from, because coming from the same sort of trauma in my childhood and my early teens, and my body was a weapon against myself. So I treated my body like others had treated it and that was my only form of control was how to control my food, how to control my exercise. I had control over that, but really it becomes the other way around where it has control over you, it becomes like this weird addiction.
Chrystal :Oh, 100% and it controlled my life for so long, how I thought, what I thought about myself, my exercise and I yo-yo dieted for years and then what I realised was I was just controlling with food as the addiction to my bulimia because that was the strategy, and then finding a new set of strategies and then learning that I could actually control the way I thought, the way I was feeling, what my beliefs were about myself, life and the world, and that's what really changed everything for me.
Rose Oates:That is a big takeaway right there, in my opinion. I think so many, especially women, really take it out on their bodies and their, their appearance, when there's a lot more than that that actually is going on behind the scenes. There's so much that we can be doing. I know it is for me. I know even now, because I still have healing to do. You know this, um, that when I'm feeling really shit about my head still goes back to the fact you're ugly, but it's not. But the rational part of me now knows no, you're not, it's just because. Why are you feeling ugly? It's because I'm having a bad day, because there's too much in my life. So then I still often do go resort. The first natural thing to me is to go to that body thing. So yeah, that's interesting?
Chrystal :Yeah, I really do, and I always invite people into those days when you're having a bad day, when you're stressed and when you've not had great sleep or things are going on in your personal life. They are the one time where you do not believe that voice inside your head. If, at any time, that's the time you don't believe it, because they're the times when you are going to buy into it more than anything.
Chrystal :Oh yeah, well, I'm shit. Oh yeah, I am ugly. Well, hold on a second, I'm actually having just a bad moment, even I'm just even having a bad moment. Okay, thank you. Voice inside my head. I don't need to believe what you're telling me right now. There's a deeper truth within you that you now know and that you can. Sometimes I can rationally see that that's not actually true. But it's that old pathway, right? It's so easy, familiar, like it's familiar, and we do it like we're guilty of buying into that, and my work really teaches and guides people too that that may be something you're telling yourself, but is it true, like really, absolutely. Can you tell me that that is a true fact right now?
Rose Oates:They go uh yeah, is it a fact or is it just a belief?
Chrystal :It's something you're telling yourself.
Rose Oates:I feel like you do it quite often I do because it's such a natural.
Rose Oates:I was in that state of mind for so many years. And then, being competitive sport, you're almost fuelled to believe that because it's like and this is just the fact of what sport is like If you're playing competitively, you want to get to the Olympics or a certain state or wherever you may need to lose weight to get there. Certain things like if you're a runner or a sprinter, being lighter does help that. So then you're fueled with that, with your coaches, and then you start believing the voice, the shit that you've told yourself as well. Plus, your coach is saying, okay, we've got to lean up now it becomes like so natural.
Speaker 3:And if you think about some women even that we've got to lean up.
Rose Oates:Now it becomes like so natural. And if you think about some women even that I've spoken to, they're like 50 years old, have messaged me and gone. I've hated my body my whole life and I'm only starting to. You know, learn to love it again now, learn to try different ways. But it's so hard. Imagine 50 years of hating your body. That's all you know. That's the only way that you know you're going to keep resorting to that. It takes a lot of work.
Chrystal :It really does. Yeah, it really does, and I see clients that come to me 50, 60, 70 years old, seriously that are still doing it, but they've never known a different way. And, yeah, it's often projected against the body, but really it's projected against self.
Charlotte Beswick:yeah, it's those feelings and thoughts you have about yourself which aren't all true, and it's allowing people to remember what the truth of who they really are is, yeah, I feel like I've never really had like the body thing, but I take it out of myself as in like with any business that I've ever owned, it's always been like, oh well, you're not really good enough to do this, or you're going to fail, or you're going to make your family go bankrupt, like those are the things that play in my head all the time, like, yeah, it's strange, isn't it, that we all have different things that our brain tells us, like when we're having those crappy days, that our brain tells us like when we're having those crappy days, yeah, and then it just feels so natural to think like that.
Rose Oates:It does take a lot of work, but I do want to circle back to how it started then. So you were saying you started being bulimic at about 12, but you had a traumatic childhood there, like your mum was an alcoholic. How long was she an alcoholic for, and how much responsibility was put on you as a child then?
Chrystal :I can't ever remember there being a time when my mum wasn't drinking. Okay.
Chrystal :And from being young I took on a belief around what that made mean, what I made that mean about me. So going home from school, sometimes she'd be in the pub. She wouldn't be home. Whether she was home, she might have a drink in her hand and it wasn't like you'd say, oh, she drinks first thing in the morning or at lunchtime. But it was a very familiar trend for me that oh mum's in the pub, oh mum's in the pub, our mum's in the pub, or she's not home, or you need to make your own dinner sometimes, or you have to walk home from school.
Chrystal :From being like a really young kid that I never thought you don't at that age that that was kind of a problem. It was just how my life was, yeah, and her not showing up to school, things sometimes. And you know there were certain events and moments really traumatic that I had to move through at a very young age, coping strategies that I took on. My mum got bitten by one of our dogs. I remember when she was really drunk one night I must have been about eight and there was blood everywhere. I was the person at eight years old that had the tea towel on my mum's face to stop the bleeding. I didn't realise until years later, way into my healing journey, how much, oh, I'm not affected by blood. It doesn't bother me If you've put your head open. I'm the first person you want there because I can. Just I'll be there. It doesn't bother me because I'd become resilient to so much pain and so much trauma.
Chrystal :But I didn't understand that at that time. So I took on a lot of beliefs from my mum. You know, projected and unconsciously, you know, she used to pick apart my body very, very verbally about my stretch marks and oh, your sister would look better in that, and what are those horrible lines on your body? Or years and years of that programming. And it was an unlearning then. Okay, well, is that true? And is that even mine? Well, hold on a second. Up until I reckon I was probably 30, so, like eight, nine years ago, I still didn't wear a pair of shorts.
Charlotte Beswick:Yeah, Because of comments that she'd made About my legs. Oh wow.
Chrystal :So many years and I was like hold on.
Rose Oates:Especially when it's coming from your mother. The one person. Who's?
Charlotte Beswick:meant to protect you and tell you the truth, correct.
Rose Oates:And I feel like your mum. You expect your mum is like the one that loves you the most, the one that tells you the absolute truth, because she doesn't want you to be hurt. I would yeah.
Charlotte Beswick:Isn't it funny, though, that the mums are sometimes the one that could be causing a lot of damage to their children.
Chrystal :It really is, and through the years that I've been doing this work and through all the years of my own healing and it was probably eight years, and I mean consistently I was in therapy for the first four of that. Like every week, I'd show up to therapy to talk about my problems you know, great, sign me up for this yet again.
Chrystal :You know, and it was, it was hard, it really really was, and the way I started to look at it was anything my mum said to me was a projection of her in a reality. Yeah, it wasn't about me and my body and what I looked like and the things that I did or didn't do. That was her stuff, how she was feeling about herself, yeah, and it's a projection.
Chrystal :So when you can actually see that and be like, oh, she's just saying that because that's her inner world, I don't need to take that on or believe it to be my truth, that's just her projection in this moment and it allowed me to just pivot just a little bit. And I think society I used to get really jealous of my friends that had a beautiful loving mom and bit, and I think society I used to get really jealous of my friends that had a beautiful loving mum and dad and I was like, oh my gosh, what's that? Like my mum loved me and I felt loved. Right, I know with all my heart she loved me and in those moments she did the best she could, right. I actually firmly believe that now and I'll loop back to that line in a minute. But it was like when I could see that what she was doing and saying was her.
Chrystal :Okay, I don't need to take that on or believe that and I can see that I had a mum, but it just looked different yeah it doesn't need to look like these movies or like, oh, my best friend's got this amazing mum and dad that are there for her and that show up and that support her and that she can have these conversations with. That part of me felt like I was missing something, and in society I don't know one person really genuinely that I can say that has a beautiful, loving, amazing, deeply connected, heartfelt relationship with their mom, like who does.
Rose Oates:We were talking about this before we started the potty, because I feel like everyone had this perception of what a mom should look like and in some ways you do. Even I felt disappointed. I grew up a little wog girl with a mum that had learned nothing really from her mum at all about really anything just go out and live and learn. And then she tried in her own way to teach me and I was like get away from me, Like I'll learn it myself, Like I'm now. I'm past that point and it's only actually until I had my own kids that she actually related to me. So the only time that our relationship mother and daughter relationship now has changed and has become better since I've become a mother because it's almost like she could relate to me in some way. Yet I was looking at you were saying the movies or at such and such as mum and daughter relationship that could talk about sex and her boyfriends and all the cool things, and I was like mum barely told me about a period.
Chrystal :Yeah, Do you know it's so interesting? You say that because my mum wasn't even there when I started my period. Yeah, she was in hospital for 11 weeks. I was like 11. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even have. I had to put tissue in my neck.
Chrystal :Like the trauma in that alone. It's just so much. But this perception people have of anything is so skewed by society and by social media. Oh, you have a primary caregiver, whether that's a mum, a dad, an auntie, a grandma, adopted, whatever. It doesn't need to look like any way. It looks how it looks to you and it's okay that that's different. It really is, if people can be with that. Oh, it's okay that my relationship looks different because we try. Oh, it should look like this. My mum should show up for me and she should. They often don't have capacity to they're dealing with their own shit.
Chrystal :They don't even know what they're dealing with exactly yeah, and I just want to look back to that line. I said because I talk about it a lot, about our parents doing the best they can, and it's from a Louise Hay book that this book changed my life. It's how to Heal your Life by Louise Hay. I'd recommend anybody reads it. It was one of the first spiritual books I ever read and when I read that line it really changed my perspective of things and I was like, oh yeah, but then years later I realized that there was a certain bypassing in that of my very real and present pain. Yeah, okay, she may have done the best she could, but do you know what that best fucking sucked. I love. I'm being real. It sucked that I had to let myself in when I was seven because my mum wasn't home. It sucked that she wasn't there sometimes.
Chrystal :It sucked, that You're acknowledging it, yeah, okay, I can give myself permission to be a child and be like I don't want this, though. Yeah, and when I gave permission for that pain, then I could see that, yes, she actually did with what she had the knowledge, the tools, the understanding, the wisdom that my nana had given to her and my nana's nana had given to her. You know, it's generational, the mother wound that just keeps getting passed down. And when you can see that, yes, you may have done and that might not have always been great, and you give permission for your pain to exist, in that there's space for your humanity.
Charlotte Beswick:That's powerful. I need to take some tips from this.
Rose Oates:Yeah, I know I've just been like, wow, that is incredible, because that's actually how I've forgiven my mum, and not that she was a bad mother or anything like that. But I was like, hold on, I think about myself as a mum. I fucking don't know what I'm doing. I really don't Like I'm winging it every day. I've got four kids and you would think you know I've learnt from the first two because I've got two older ones and then two younger ones. But because they're all so different and I've changed and I'm older, I'm still fucking up.
Rose Oates:And I said it to my therapist. Actually I was like, oh my, I was having a real sad moment. I'm like, oh my God, I'm just shit mum and I'm feeling guilty and I don't know what I'm doing. And he's like every single kid is going to think and feel at one point or another that you fucked them up and that you made mistakes that they never want to do again, that they're going to be like I'm not going to do that as a mother. So you change that. But then you do something else. You know what I mean.
Charlotte Beswick:He's like we all create like things that we're never going to be perfect and listen, I think we should just applaud ourselves that we've kept our kids alive, because half the time I think that I'm gonna yeah, like I can't even feed myself, like yeah, this is really.
Rose Oates:It's really like it's interesting. I love hearing it from that perspective and that's I was like, wow, I did forgive my mum for like things that I felt like she did wrong. Because I was like, wow, I did forgive my mum for like things that I felt like she did wrong. Because I was like, hold on, when she was 38, she didn't know what she was doing. And now I'm the same age as her and I can relate to that, because I don't know what I'm doing and she was just doing the best that she could.
Chrystal :And when you're compassionate with yourself for your own mistakes and fuck-ups and not knowing what you're doing and winging it half the time. No one gave us a manual for life, let alone motherhood right Jesus, yeah it's like no one told you what to do or how to do it, and even if they did, no one's perfect. At the end of the day Exactly.
Chrystal :But then that gives you, if I can be compassionate with myself for anything that I do in any given moment, it gives you more capacity to be compassionate with another. You're never going to be able to be compassionate for your mum, for all that she does, or all her mistakes or all that she said, unless you can do it for you first.
Charlotte Beswick:I also feel, though, that when we have parents, like I'm sure all of us do, don't we almost learn something from what they did with us that we don't want to do with? Our children.
Charlotte Beswick:It's like we try and change things, like have more of an open relationship with our kids or, you know, try to be more present, just things like that. Like maybe things that our parents didn't do, like their teachings, their learnings yeah, it's like you're almost like, yeah, I'm not going to do what you did, yeah, kind of thing, because that's kind of where I'm at now. I'm like I will never be like you and I never. I never kind of had a friend like you.
Rose Oates:I know where you were going with that. I think that's the tune came into my head. But yeah, I was like this. It's very, it's incredible that you've come from such a past like so much. Were you the eldest in the family as well? I'm the baby of four. Wow, but did you take charge?
Chrystal :Yeah, pretty much.
Rose Oates:So the baby, what made you step up over the elder ones, Like could you see, like they were, like didn't know what to do.
Chrystal :Wow, there's quite a big difference between me and my other siblings, age-wise. You know, I've got one that's three years older than me. Me and my sister are very close, but she has four little ones, like you. Like, capacity is stretched? Yes, it is, capacity is stretched. And then I have an older brother as well that's nine years older than me. So there's quite a big age gap, but I was on my path, I was on the journey. You know, I was still home when a lot of the others had already flown the next.
Chrystal :You know, they got a different experience of my mum than I did, equally as challenging, as traumatic, but just a different flavour of it. But because I was on my healing journey, I started to see things in a new way. And my other siblings at that time they didn't have that capacity. So there was still a lot of hatred going on for my mum and how she behaved and how she showed up and the decisions she made.
Chrystal :but because I had done quote-unquote my work, on myself, I could see her in a new way yep yeah so I didn't need to try and change her, and this was the biggest thing like, well, I don't want my mum to do that, I need her to be different. But when I came to do my own work and then I could see that I don't actually need to change this, I can just love her, and that took me a really long time to get to like years because I did hate her Like and I don't say that lightly.
Chrystal :We had a really hard relationship for a long time and I didn't feel like I was wanted like and that has been confirmed Like my mum even said that like so for me it was like I had capacity to do this a different way and I felt like my journey, my spirituality, my healing path, everything brought me to this place and my mum is one of my biggest teachers. Wow.
Rose Oates:Wow. So when you moved to Australia at 24, were you speaking to your mum at the time?
Chrystal :Yes.
Rose Oates:We had reconciled our relationship. Okay, but you hadn't really. How long before you moved here did you not speak to her?
Chrystal :It went for probably maybe three years no contact, 16, 16 till I was almost 20. Yeah, and then I actually had nowhere to live and had to go crawling back. Mum, can I live with you again please? But it was always very jaded. The relationship was never. I never had that with my mum. It was never like a beautiful, loving relationship, until much later.
Charlotte Beswick:But then it was almost too late but when you moved back at whatever age it was 19, 20 was she still in those bad habits like, was she still drinking, was she still yeah it didn't stop yeah yeah, mum never changed. Okay, so your whole entire life pretty much she's been an alcoholic.
Chrystal :Yeah, wow. And I think the most transformational time was when I was 30. Actually probably about 27., 27, I think it really started to shift for me because I'd done a lot of work then and I could see her in a new light and I almost started to see beyond what she said and beyond her actions. I saw almost like her soul. I saw the real person, yeah, that was loving and that was caring and that did have that beautiful big heart, but it was covered like my own was with pain and trauma and challenges and her trajectory was distraction. I'm going to drink because life's uncomfortable, yep.
Rose Oates:That's her distraction, that's her masking. Yeah, and.
Chrystal :I wasn't prepared to walk down that path. I'd done it with bulimia for too long. Yep, I was like this is not going to be my journey and everyone's got something different.
Rose Oates:So hers was alcohol, like mine was excessive sport and disordered eating, I mean, and I'm sure yours is shopping- Excessively it could be worse. I mean it could be worse, it could be worse. But yeah, I swear, everyone's got something and some things are just worse than others for themselves and those around them.
Chrystal :Yeah, internally, you know, I think we all do it Like who doesn't want to distract on social media. God. I just let me scroll on funny reels for 20 minutes. Who doesn't want to do that? Because we want some reprieve from discomfort. Yeah, no one wants to sit in that long term, but it's. I've learned over the years that the distraction is masking something here.
Rose Oates:Okay, maybe I just need to be here for a moment.
Chrystal :This might be uncomfortable, but if I can be here just for a moment, it will dissipate and I don't need a tool to mask it, and then I'm free.
Rose Oates:Ooh, yeah, Like okay, how would you do that? It is so uncomfortable when you are feeling like shit, Like how do you even do that? It is so uncomfortable when you are feeling like shit, Like how do you even begin that?
Chrystal :Okay, so scientifically proven, a feeling only takes up to 120 seconds to move through the body.
Rose Oates:Okay.
Chrystal :Tell me more. Okay, so something happens and you get pissed off or you're upset, or something is arising in your life that's cause for a feeling, whatever it might be. Most people cannot fully allow that feeling to be. What they do is they go and think about why they feel it. So you think, if you've ever been angry for a couple of days, like maybe someone's pissed you off or they've done something, like I'm so mad, you're really annoying me, they're not annoying you for three days, they annoyed you in that moment for three minutes or two minutes, and you carry it by thinking about it for three days.
Charlotte Beswick:Oh my God, oh my God, that is. I've been mad for five days, oh my God.
Rose Oates:I felt that I was like, oh my God, that made so much sense, yeah.
Chrystal :And we all do it, but I'm still mad.
Rose Oates:Yeah, you're still mad because you think of all the reasons why they shouldn't have done it, or you know. I'm talking about a person. Oh God, no, but like yeah, so if you can be.
Chrystal :You can be with that feeling and I'm not saying it's comfortable Like, have you ever tried to just allow anger to move through you? No, no, because you don't want to, because it's like I don't even know what that feels like. What do you mean? Yeah, okay, anger is what that feels like. What do you mean? Yeah, so okay, anger is one of the high spectrum emotions, so it's got a lot of energy behind it and it's usually like it'll boil up from your feet. I feel it like it comes in and you're like you want to let out your fingers, like you want to scream, you want to do something. Just let that anger move through your body, be with like, just be like. Oh, my god, I'm going to stamp my feet, I'm going to. I'm just want to, I'm just angry.
Chrystal :I'm just angry like oh my God, I'm going to stamp my feet, I'm going to, I'm just want to, oh, I'm just angry. I'm just angry Like, let it be, oh, oh, and then it moves. And if you think, then you're still angry. You're not still angry. You're thinking about why you're angry. I'm thinking about that person that pissed me off two days ago and you're replaying the story about what they did or what they said, or it should be different. It shouldn't be any different. It's in the past.
Charlotte Beswick:So pretty much we need to act like our children, because our kids get angry, they scream, they stomp their feet and then they're like hey, can I have a cookie? Yeah.
Chrystal :Kids are the most amazing expression of how to deal with emotions because they're not conditioned like us. Their egos often aren't fully developed yet their like us, their egos often aren't fully developed yet their inner critic isn't fully online. So they just feel and I know it's not comfortable when your kid's on the floor in the supermarket, like having the biggest tantrum because you won't let them have something. But I just go, you are a fully unexpressed emotion just riding through the body. Yep, they're fine. A minute later.
Charlotte Beswick:So, rose, next time we just need to throw ourselves on the floor in this shopping centre. It doesn't matter, just feel it, I feel it.
Rose Oates:Actually, that's something that I don't do, like sometimes I want to cry and I just should, and sometimes I say to myself I just so, I'm like I'm going to go watch the Notebook, I want to find a trigger.
Charlotte Beswick:The Notebook the.
Rose Oates:Notebook, something that's going to make me.
Rose Oates:And I was like I just want to have a really good cry. She's like what? And I was like I just need a cry, like a therapeutic cry, and let yeah, sometimes. And then I think sometimes we stop ourselves from being angry or we've been conditioned as I'm going to say it again as females, I feel like a lot of our we're like supposed to be good girls and supposed to be polite and all this shit. And it's like you know, I've come from an Italian family. I've got to, you know, I've been told not to let my pride well, we're very proud people, but don't show other people what you're feeling, don't let it out blah, blah, blah. So, holding that emotion, not crying, being strong.
Chrystal :Those beliefs, right, we take on. Yes, you know, my mum used to say don't cry, you're okay. What have you got to be mad about? Oh, okay, so I'm never gonna be mad, I'm never gonna cry, I'm gonna eat all my emotions. Welcome to what I did for years. Yes, that's me. And this is where those beliefs come in that are often passed down, that I say it's now our responsibility to unpack those and go. Oh, I think, or I'm believing to be true, that I can't do this or that it's wrong. Our responsibility to unpack those and go. Oh, I think, or I'm believing to be true that I can't do this, or that it's wrong for me or bad If I just give myself permission to be a human, like I'm sorry, but I don't know one person who doesn't feel. But we all try and push it down.
Charlotte Beswick:Psychopaths. Rose Googled it yesterday.
Rose Oates:I was Googling it and I was like, oh, they don't care about nothing, she's like what is a psychopath?
Charlotte Beswick:That's actually what she Googled yesterday I was like.
Rose Oates:I didn't actually know, I was like, but so let's just feel.
Chrystal :Let's feel Just give yourself permission to be a human.
Rose Oates:A hundred and twenty seconds is actually not that long, it really isn't. And then to let go of the whys, why we're angry, why we're sad, like is there a time and place? You can unpack that a little bit, but I think letting go is hard.
Chrystal :I think a lot of people really struggle with it, and I actually released something the other day where I was sharing. How about we just let it be?
Charlotte Beswick:Jesus Christ. I wish I could.
Chrystal :Because we don't like it. I don't like that. That happened, yes, oh, okay, that's okay to not like something, but can you change what happened past tense?
Charlotte Beswick:You don't have to like it. My jaw is literally like clenching.
Rose Oates:She's like I don't like it and I can't change it, but I still don't like it.
Charlotte Beswick:There's so many things I'm mad about.
Chrystal :Yeah. So let yourself be mad, just be mad, yeah.
Rose Oates:Sacred rage. Yes, be mad. What is that?
Chrystal :Rage. As women, we need to see it more like unexpressed, like just giving yourself permission that you are going to feel things. Stop hiding it and pushing it in. And that doesn't mean that the person in your life needs to get your rage. It means you are with it. Yes, do that. And then it's like, oh, I actually feel just that marginal a little bit better. Yeah, like your kids do when they let it out they feel fine almost instantly.
Rose Oates:Sometimes we feel really good after a cry, or really good after just screaming or whatever it is, or just actually being.
Charlotte Beswick:But how do we? I let go of things Like literally how.
Chrystal :Okay, so rather than letting it go, because there's a lot of pressure in that, you have to let this go. Oh, if you don't let it go, it's going to haunt you or you're going to hold on to it forever. Why can't you let it go, crystal? Like, let it go and there's that pressure build up. Okay, can I change this? Yes or no? No, okay, that's where you're powerful. I cannot change this you don't have to like it. Can I be with that?
Chrystal :stop, I'm gonna cry and that's the part that wants to release it and that's the energy that it's painful and life is and it throws so many really hard things at us over and over again and it's letting that emotion be like, yeah, I can be with my feet, I can be with myself here oh, but what if you can change it?
Rose Oates:see, I'm in the opposite. I can change what I'm feeling, but I just stew on it instead yeah, and a lot do and I did for a really long time and it was my, my hardest work.
Chrystal :Yeah, self-loathing, beating myself up, being mean to myself, judging myself, criticizing myself living in my head and I had so much pain, a lot that I'd grown up with and that I've continued to move through over the years. But I've learned to alchemize that pain and turn it into my greatest strength oh and my biggest power, and my mum was a catalyst for that big time.
Rose Oates:It's so powerful. This is such a huge takeaway, charlotte, like I have to even just thank you now, and we're not even done talking. This is why our podcast can't go for fucking an hour. Damn it. We know this All right. Jeez, that was deep. I'm going to take that away. I think Chris is going to take that away. We're all in the feels right now.
Rose Oates:What we don't know about corporate. I was reading what we don't know about corporate Charlotte is she was a corporate debt collector. She was in corporate, she was a debt collector and I have to bring this up because it makes me giggle and now she is a super spiritual Reiki master. What a 360.
Rose Oates:Oh my god, like I can't even explain my life now I was like how the hell yeah, it's wild, isn't it like? And you also mentioned before and I want to know this story you say that your granddad sent your husband to you, so you've come from Sydney and you come to Perth. I was in Sydney when I met my husband.
Chrystal :You were in Sydney when you met your husband. Yeah, debt collecting. We both worked in insurance at the time Really random, yep. And there was a big of a set up going on at work. They wanted me to meet this guy that worked for a broker and I was like no, I don't need to meet him, I'm not interested.
Chrystal :I'm single for the first time in years, living the high life in Sydney, all good, and it kept going for like three months. I was like, oh my god, no, like, leave me alone. And eventually he ended up coming to the office for a training and the state manager I didn't need to be in this training room and he literally said Charlotte, we need you in here. I was like no, no, no, no, no, you are all in on this. To set me up with this guy, no, not interested. Anyway, ended up having to go in this room. It was the most awkward thing I've ever done in my life because I was in the corner like I do not want to, don't set me up, please don't set me up. Anyway, ended up meeting him that night and we've been together ever since. Oh, that's cute. And I was still healing at that time, like I was still in the throes, like in therapy and told him a little snippet, like I didn't want the guy to run for the hills about my past.
Charlotte Beswick:So how old?
Rose Oates:were you when you met your partner, because you were 24 when you got here, 25 when I met him. Okay, okay, okay, so you've just stopped. How long were you binge free? Did you say? So I was purge free for about nine months when we got together.
Chrystal :But I was still in the throes of anxiety, like I was still having panic attacks. I couldn't get on public transport. I had a little bit of agoraphobia. I couldn't leave the house sometimes Like I was in, I was just in a mess. I was, I was a mess and I remember this. One night I was lay on my bed and my roommate at the time and I just had a panic attack and I literally couldn't get out of my bed and he was coming round. We'd been together maybe three months. I was like he's going to see the depths right now.
Chrystal :If he doesn't run for the hills I don't know what's going to make him run for the hills and I remember him coming into the bedroom and he just sat on the floor. He didn't try and fix, he didn't try and change it, he just sat and I think he stroked my head or held my hand and I got this message Grandad sent him for you. Oh, my God.
Charlotte Beswick:And I didn't know my grandad oh you never met your grandad and I didn't know my granddad.
Chrystal :Oh, you never met your granddad. He died when I was I think I was about 18 months old oh wow, was it your mum's dad or your dad's dad?
Rose Oates:My mum's dad.
Charlotte Beswick:Okay, now you throw a spatter in there Also. I need to quickly get something out of me. What's agoraphobia?
Chrystal :Oh, you can't leave the house, oh, okay.
Charlotte Beswick:I was just thinking about it. I thought it was when you're angry and you're like agoraphobia.
Rose Oates:You know what? You wouldn't have been the only one thinking that.
Charlotte Beswick:Oh, okay, good, you can't leave the house. Oh, I can't leave the house. Okay, like hermit.
Chrystal :Yeah.
Charlotte Beswick:Yeah, agoraphobia.
Chrystal :Agoraphobia See another learning. It better be called that now, and I've not just made it up.
Charlotte Beswick:Yeah, it just didn't Sounded like when you're angry Like you're angry. Oh, that's crazy. I have to Google that now.
Rose Oates:Yeah, oh, my God, I was going to while you were like telling your story and then I was like, oh, I bet not, it's rude, that's us Not rude, just like distracted, that ADHD brain. I'm still like what holding? You never met your granddad. Now I'm like getting this spatter in the works which is your husband maybe now, but was your husband like spiritual?
Chrystal :at all when we met. I would say he's way more spiritually connected than I was. Like his mum was always into homeopathy and she was always doing things like that. Oh God, what's?
Charlotte Beswick:homeopathy, natural medicine. Stop saying like these words, because I don't know what they mean. Natural medicine, okay. Herbs Okay. Good, it was better than what I thought it was going to be. Well, I was kind of like homophobic I don't know Homos what did you say? Homeopathy?
Chrystal :Okay.
Charlotte Beswick:I'm glad it was that. Okay. She's not homophobic.
Chrystal :He was more spiritually connected. I think I asked him like you were religious, like anything like that. I think he told me he was Buddhist and I laughed at him like I was not on the spiritual path that's what I mean. I didn't, you weren't there no, no, no, no, no. So it was through the journey, yeah, and he was. Yeah, he's just so grounded, like so centered, like you've done, like a 360 on him as well.
Charlotte Beswick:Hold a minute though. So at this point you were not psychic.
Chrystal :I'd say no, no hold on a minute?
Charlotte Beswick:You were, but you were not knowing.
Chrystal :I didn't know I was. Yes. So I always used to feel like or have knowings and senses of something going on, like there was gut feelings of I need to do this, I've got to move to Perth, I need to move to Perth. I don't know why I need to do this. I've got to move to Perth, I need to move to. Perth. I don't know why I have to do this right now.
Rose Oates:It was like this pull that I couldn't explain, but you didn't know exactly what it was called or what you were feeling, yeah.
Chrystal :And then when I did my Reiki training, which was about seven years ago now, I went through like a whole massive journey, like the craziest shit happened to me in a week. I was like I actually called the Reiki master and said you need to stop this. Like I couldn't close my eyes without like seeing all these lights. I was traveling through galaxies. I was like awake for three days like fuck, you need to make this stop. You think you're going mental. I thought I was going mental and then I'd walk past people in the street and I'd go, oh god, and I was feeling all these things from people but had no clue what it was. I was so confused I was like what is this? And then when I started to give Reiki, then it made sense because I was like, oh, they're not, it's not, it's not me. Like I'm feeling all these things coming from other people. I'm empathetically connecting and receiving all this guidance that's coming through.
Rose Oates:So is that the difference between mediumship and psychic? So are you feeling?
Chrystal :There's lots of different varieties of psychic senses, so they're called your clair senses. So you can be clairvoyant, which is where you see things in the room, like you may see an energy, you may see a spirit. I'm not clairvoyant. You can be clairsentient, which I am, where you have a feeling like there's a sense of something. I'm also claircognizant, so I know things without knowing how I know them, and then I'm also clairempath, so I feel. So everyone has psychic senses, senses everyone has the ability to connect to them. It's only when you you have to work on them.
Chrystal :They're a practice to develop and grow as they get stronger and stronger. And for me it was confusing at first because I didn't get it. I didn't understand. A mediumship is where you tap into spirit from the other side. Sometimes that happens to me during a healing. If, if I'm healing somebody, sometimes I get an energy and it's like this Usually I'll get a feel on one side of my body that comes through. Usually it's right for a female, left for a male. That'll come through. Sometimes they say I'm this person and I go okay, yep, awesome, thanks for this. Great. And I'm really practical with it too, because sometimes it doesn't make sense to me. I go.
Chrystal :I have no idea what this means Like I saw so many situations that I can tell you. But I saw at one time this lady came in for a healing and her grandma came into the session and she had this like really random umbrella like and it was this weird umbrella thing, and she's like pointing this umbrella at me and I'm like okay, and I can just like sense and know, and she started saying this stuff to me. So I'm like okay, I have no idea if this makes sense. And I told the client and she was like oh my god, my nana Jo and I was like nana Jo had an umbrella. Yeah, she used to use it as like a walking stick and she'd point it at us when we were kids.
Rose Oates:And I was like oh, okay, now that makes sense. That's made me get all. Yeah, that's crazy.
Chrystal :And it doesn't happen all the time. Usually when the spirit's really close or they're really connected and ready to come through, they will. So it won't happen for every single person or in every session, but the Claire sentient and the Claire knowing piece for me does, so I can touch somebody and when I'm connected to, I feel but I used to always be open Like I didn't realise that I can turn it off and then switch it on again because I was just open to oh my God, oh my God, the world's so hard and why is everyone struggling? Like I felt everything so deeply, but now I can turn it off and on, which is great.
Rose Oates:Yes, for my sanity, I can imagine. Yeah, I could definitely understand where you're coming from there, oh my God. So I was driving here and I've got to go with my gut on this. Then I kept imagining myself asking you why Perth? So you have been all over the world, everywhere, like how many countries? I think you said 35. I'm at 50, now 50 countries.
Charlotte Beswick:And yet you have I've done two.
Rose Oates:And you've chosen Perth and I kept thinking why Perth?
Chrystal :Yeah, there was something special about it here I I really realized how much I can trust that feeling, that knowing time and time again it's guided me more than I can ever explain, like what's come through from me. Deeply trusting in that wisdom and I've lived in Canada. Canada is also a real special place in my heart. You know, I lived in Thailand for a bit Europe, but when I came to Perth I felt like there was something here. I didn't know what it was, I couldn't explain it. It was whether it's the energy of the place or the clients I get to meet or the healing that gets to happen here for me, and I was just like I've got to go. Okay, work, I'm leaving, I'm transferring to Perth, if that's okay. I told my husband like we'd been together, I think, 10 months. I was like so moving to Perth, I'm moving, I'm moving.
Rose Oates:I really like your stuff.
Chrystal :Would love it if you'd come with me. And he was like yeah, why not? He's a traveller, he's a traveller too. So he's like yeah. And then we came here and yeah, what happened, you know for me during that time I think Perth held me in it. A lot of big moments and events happened for me here too, but yeah, it's just something special about it, and you only know when you live there, right?
Rose Oates:Yeah, it is true, I do love Perth. I can't imagine living anywhere else. But then again, I haven't really lived anywhere else, but I do love to travel. But then okay, so you're in Perth, you've dragged pretty much. You're like I really like you, you're coming If you want to be with me, you're coming to Perth too. Since then you've, like, helped people. You help people internationally, online, in person. You do everything.
Chrystal :I did it remotely. I was a digital nomad for two years. I felt a pull again, like I want to travel, I want to see the world, I want to experience different cultures, I want to see what it's like to have no possessions and live out of a bag. I just wanted to do that for myself, like to fully live life, like and I'm a big one for doing that and when I feel the pull, no matter how scary it is, I go okay, let's go, we're doing it, and off we go well, that gives me anxiety.
Charlotte Beswick:I don't think I could do that.
Rose Oates:I'm too scared so two years digital nomad actually is really freeing. You realise how much you don't need this is you recently in Bali.
Charlotte Beswick:This is me.
Rose Oates:I realise I need nothing and that is freedom. It's beautiful. I didn't care about anything. The house could have burned down to the ground, All I wanted was my dog. I did not care about one thing about shoes, about bags, about nothing. Like I was like eh, I've got everything I need here. Experience, my kids, my family. And it was such I can't get that feeling out of my head, Such a nice, nice feeling. And then, with the intuition, you say we've all got that. I swear we all do. We all have the gut instinct, Like how important is it to actually listen to it when it's screaming at you?
Chrystal :even if you're not a super spiritual person, you know, you don't need to be to define spirituality these days, like I think it's anything, but I think so many people live in their head, they overthink things, they second guess, they worry, they live in fear, overthinking the future, what's coming, living in the past and for me, your intuition is like that guidance system that can support you, and everyone gets it in a different way. Some people feel it in their gut, like I've just got this feeling, or my gut's just telling me I should ring that person. I just feel like I should drive down this street. So it's a feel, like a lot of it is a feel or a sense. That's the way I give people to start off with really starting to tune into it like is this, is this my head? Is it fair? Is it like you should do? You need to? That's the mind that's coming in.
Chrystal :Your intuition is going to be more of that, like softer, gentler move to birth. That makes no sense and it's often like a statement that will come through and that can also be spirit talking to you. They may talk in statement form. It's never loud, shouty, bossy, mean, cruel. That's not your intuition, that's your mind. It's that okay, I'm feeling something. There's this weird thing that I feel like I just should do this. I don't know why, but there's a feeling behind it. Often your intuition is not always going to be comfortable. People think, oh, my intuition is going to be all roses and butterflies. Oh yeah, charlotte, sell everything you own and travel the world Right now. Really, you want me to do that. Or you need to move to Perth and tell your husband like, oh OK, this is really scary. What if he says no? What if he leaves me? Ok, I want to move to Perth. Trust in it anyway.
Chrystal :Trust in it anyway and start with small things. So if you want to start to work with your intuition, start with what you want for your lunch. Do I have this roll or do I eat this salad? Oh, a feeling, a pull towards the roll. Great, because your body is going to tell you what it wants and guide you versus oh, you know, you should eat the salad because it's better for you.
Charlotte Beswick:My, it wants and guide you versus oh, you know, you should eat the salad because it's better for you. My body wants the roll today. I mean, just tell me to do it. I was going to say if KFC and a side was in front of me, I'm going to go for KFC, but sometimes you might not.
Rose Oates:Sometimes you're like I'm not feeling like grease and you'll go with what feels right.
Chrystal :Your gut, you know your gut. Oh my God, is my gut going to love that deep fried thing? Probably, Probably.
Rose Oates:No, my senses smell.
Charlotte Beswick:It's finger licking good.
Rose Oates:I don't really like KFC?
Charlotte Beswick:No, I don't actually. I like the smell of it and then I eat it and then I'm like, oh, straight away, instant regret.
Rose Oates:Also celiac, so probably shouldn't have been eating that coated chicken. But celiacs, anyone with gluten-free, anyone with a lactose intolerance, they like all those things. I love bread. I want to go to heaven. My last wish is a sourdough. I want a hot, fresh crunchy sourdough. Yes, slather, Slather and I'm going out.
Charlotte Beswick:Is there a reason why we're always talking about bread? I?
Rose Oates:love bread, because when you can't have it.
Charlotte Beswick:We just always do. We just always talk about bread I'm gluten free too and when you can't have it, they bring it to you in the restaurant.
Rose Oates:And they put the little dinner roll next to you and they're like bread ma'am, and I'm like fuck off or they're like that's your role and you could literally build a house with it.
Charlotte Beswick:I'm like, yeah, cool.
Rose Oates:I was like what is that? Oh my god but you know I actually had it this week.
Charlotte Beswick:I got myself into a pigle and somebody was demanding things from me and my body was literally going do not do this, do not do it. And in my head was saying oh, this and that and you have to do it and blah, blah, and my insides were screaming like do not so. Then I was like I can't sorry, there's something telling me no, like it is literally saying no it's screaming at you screaming, like I know you just said, then it doesn't scream. I was like this was fucking screaming, because you weren't listening it was like
Chrystal :no it will whisper, it will nudge, and then it'll smack around the head with a two before. Oh, you feel the noise a little bit of it.
Chrystal :Oh, you shouldn't do that, and then you do it, and then it's like oh no, don't do that and then you feel that again and you feel it again for again, then it'll just, it will just be like, okay, we're going to put you in bed for a day. Are you going to listen now? And you go, fuck, put you in your ass. Why didn't I listen to that whisper?
Charlotte Beswick:And you learn over time to start listening to the whisper and I still feel shit about it, but I'm like no, my insides are saying that this isn't right.
Rose Oates:It just made me think about like your body whispers before it screams. So it's like listening to your body as in like even when you're not feeling well, like your body's been telling you for God knows how long.
Charlotte Beswick:Oh well, I wonder over here who ignores that? Because you run on bloody empty and then you're like, oh, I wonder why I'm having a burnout.
Rose Oates:Yeah, I know. Okay, I was saying you as in, like the listeners, but I knew it was me Fucking asshole, so I my body whispers.
Charlotte Beswick:She's like I'm so tired, but I'm just going to drive three hours down south to do this and then end up in bed for a full week.
Rose Oates:Yeah, I got the flu, okay A and B, and the only way you can get influenza A and B at the same time is if you caught it at the same time and I was like, okay, I need to rest, cool, I will. And I'm actually still recovering from it. It's taken a long time, but enough about me Again, stop, it Can't help it.
Charlotte Beswick:I know.
Rose Oates:She's like targeting me.
Charlotte Beswick:Yeah, well, you need to sometimes hear it. So, and I got a microphone.
Rose Oates:And I can tell you right now Excuse me, we have a guest. This is a personal, of course. I just love him. This is great.
Charlotte Beswick:I don't know why, but today, like not today, but since you've been here, for some reason, I feel like my body wants to crawl inside itself. Is that weird? No, I'm just being dead serious, like I literally feel, like it's so strange, I don't know if like things are happening.
Rose Oates:I don't know. Maybe you're listening to yourself, Maybe she's like I don't know Something weird's happening.
Charlotte Beswick:My body's feeling weird.
Rose Oates:You're feeling, yeah, you're quiet today.
Charlotte Beswick:Yeah, I feel strange, I think too many things are happening.
Chrystal :Strange bad, strange good.
Charlotte Beswick:No, I I'm in a negative place at the moment.
Chrystal :And you know, sometimes when I speak or I'm sharing some truth or something's landing or you're getting emotional. It's uncomfortable for people.
Charlotte Beswick:Like, look, I'm like this, Like I'm 50. Yeah, bitch, I think it's your turn now.
Rose Oates:It's uncomfortable when you're listening to yourself and realising things and letting go.
Charlotte Beswick:I need to learn how to and listen to your gut. But I'm like maybe we should go get our rakes and go in the garden and do some raking.
Rose Oates:So I can stop feeling uncomfortable. I think that's a different practice altogether. You're thinking of like do you know what she's thinking of?
Charlotte Beswick:I'm thinking like Japanese you know the little rakes in the garden. Yeah, she's thinking of the things. What's that called?
Rose Oates:My kids call no. My mum's call oh, my God Of all things. My mum's calling on our little mum. I'm on a podcast, I can't talk right now. Oh shit, okay, got to go mum.
Charlotte Beswick:Bye. Oh, that was funny, did she go? Oh shit, she goes, oh shit.
Rose Oates:I was like of course we're talking about mother wounds. Yeah, hi, mum Actually. Yeah, lots of things about mum Like this week is all mum for me. All about mum things, yeah.
Charlotte Beswick:Usually it's all dad for me, but this week it's been all mum for me.
Chrystal :Yeah, it's been a really interesting theme for the past couple of weeks that. I'm noticing, with clients and people sliding into my DM being like have you got a podcast on this or can you talk into it please, Because I'm really struggling with it.
Charlotte Beswick:My sister's going to listen to this and it's going to be like it's going to trigger.
Rose Oates:Yeah.
Charlotte Beswick:It's going to be like mind blowing for her too.
Rose Oates:Okay. So then, coming back to that, because obviously mum was keeping me on track, because I was like, okay, we're an hour in and I and my mum had to call and I always have my phone off, so for some reason it must have been a little bit of guidance there. Your mum, you've healed your relationship with your mum and it's taken so long. Where is your relationship at now? And we're sharing with us before as well that your mum now has a rare, very rare form of dementia. So after all these years, you finally healed your relationship and now we're here. Can you tell us a little bit more about it and what's going on?
Chrystal :So she initially got diagnosed about eight years ago and I noticed things. You know she lives over in the UK and I started to notice things. When I was calling her she would be saying things that didn't quite make sense, like sometimes she'd drop a random word in a sentence. I was like, oh, a little bit worried about that. Um, she actually we flew her out to Perth. She came here and spent a couple of weeks with us. She'd never been to Australia.
Chrystal :It was beautiful and that trip really highlighted for me that something was really wrong, something's not not right here like I can sense. You know there's a lot and there was lots of triggers in that trip. You know she still activated parts of me that was like, oh my god, my inner child right now wants to scream at you and I'm pissed off and I'm having to reparent and she got lost and so many things happened. But I really realized okay, something's wrong. So then we ended up getting diagnosis for her and it turns out she has a really rare form of dementia. It's diagnosed young I think she was 57 when she got diagnosed with it and it affects only 1% of the population and the life expectancy is six years.
Charlotte Beswick:They said that's good, she lasts six years. Before when you talked about this, I went straight to.
Chrystal :Was this from from her being an alcoholic or no? It's not connected. I believe on the spiritual path like this is my personal belief too is that there are a number of factors that have triggered this.
Rose Oates:You know how great to forget all your pain that's true she was already trying to do that her whole life by then.
Chrystal :Oh, 100%. And I really believe that. You know she never looked after herself, she never loved herself, she never cared for herself. She gets cared for full time now. She gets fed, she gets loved, she gets looked after. And sometimes the way I perceive it from a deep, like soul level is we will learn and get the experiences this lifetime. That's part of that soul path, I believe, especially with her own journey and what she went through and experienced. And you know there's so much new research out about dementia now. You know I did a lot of research back in the day but because it's so rare the form that she has and not a lot of people understood it, like they thought she's got dementia, I'm like, but she doesn't. Like you think that it's that bracket of she's forgetful, but it's not. Like she still knows who we are. Like even now she can't talk, she can't walk, she can't feed herself, she's barely mobile. But I walk into that room and I guarantee you will see her smile like you've never seen a smile.
Charlotte Beswick:Yep so does she recognize you? Yeah, yeah, she still knows.
Chrystal :She still knows, who you are she knows what's going on, yeah, but she just can't communicate. She can't she write or no, she can't write she can't read, she can't watch, she can hear, but that's basically. The last thing that she's got is a is a hearing.
Rose Oates:Yeah, because not all forms and like she's nonverbal, yeah, yeah.
Chrystal :So it's been, again, a really big journey, but because I'd done and healed so much of my relationship with her, I could just love her. Oh, and my husband and I cared for her for nine months back in 2019. Yep, we went back and we looked after her and cared, cared for her.
Charlotte Beswick:Rose is just like about to throw her and cared, cared for her. Rose is just like about to throw her phone at the wall. I am.
Rose Oates:I actually hate my. I spend a lot of time on my phone but I actually hate you sat on it.
Chrystal :I sat on it and everything.
Rose Oates:I didn't even want. I'm just and you know what's worse, I couldn't work out how to shut it off. I was like I'll go turn this off. I actually hate speaking on the phone, literally Like I was like no one talk to me again. I need to heal from that as well. I've really enjoyed speaking to you about all this. It's very deep. I fucking have learnt more than I thought I was going to learn how? About you, you're still, you're thinking, you're really taking're really taking it in. Yeah, this is home, this episode definitely.
Charlotte Beswick:But I I said to rose, before you even came in, I was like I feel like this is it's going to be weird for me. There was just something that just felt. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to explain it. I feel weird, my body feels weird.
Rose Oates:That's all I'm going to say well, as soon as I started telling crystal about what we're gonna talk about today, I was like I'll just give you a rough like idea of what like I've, you know, done some voices with with Charlotte we're talking about, you know, like mother wounds, and I really feel like I need to lean into like my mom and the story there, because a lot of people feel it.
Rose Oates:She was just like, well, let me tell you what's been going on the last couple of days and I was like, oh, it's a lot, yeah, and I do see a lot I have seen it a lot lately actually on social media People talking about, like, their relationships with their mums and how they're disappointed or how they wish they had a different relationship and how they crave it and how Mother's Day actually triggers a lot of people for that reason. So it's very interesting in the way that you've been able to say I mean, can you change it?
Chrystal :It's this expectation of what we expect from our mums and how we want them to show up and how we want them to be and how we want them to act, and it we want them to be and how we want them to act, and it's hard to have something that's different to that. Yeah, it really is, and when you look at it and the way I've done this is, my mum is the way she is and she chose a journey and she is a human, you know, and she went through and navigated life and I can't change that.
Chrystal :I couldn't change what she did.
Chrystal :I couldn't change how she talked couldn't change how she showed up or any of that she said to me. But I could choose my choice. How do I want this to carry forward? Do I want to this to be my story where I blame her and I'm a victim? And you, why didn't you do? And I was in that for a long time until I went hold on. Now I'm giving my power away and I want to enjoy my life. I want to live my life to the fullest. I don't want this to be my experience and I'm committed to loving you and having zero expectations of you as a parent wow, that that's yes.
Rose Oates:Look at her. I know I can't look at you right, it's hard, it's really hard.
Charlotte Beswick:I'm like super envious of you right now.
Rose Oates:Yeah, because she's there and you're not there yet.
Chrystal :And you'll get there If you're committed to doing the work and anyone that's listening. I know it's painful and I know it's hard but, trust me, your freedom exists on the other side of it.
Charlotte Beswick:I'm just like how the hell are you like this?
Chrystal :I want to be like you, but I just don't see it happening, you're talking and I'm like that's what I want to be like but my brain is like saying other things Because it's unfamiliar, right? We've all been in that situation where it's like, oh, you should do it and we're attached to it. And when we're not attached to anything, they do or say oh, hold on a minute, you can just be the human that you are and I can just love you and trust me. When my mum got diagnosed and I've grieved and I'm still grieving her, she's still with us.
Chrystal :Eight years later, watching that happen slowly has been so painful. And do you know what she taught me? How to love myself. Oh so, from all that hate and all that pain and all that trauma that I went through as a child, now watching her, it teaches me to love me, because I have to sit and grieve when I hold her hand and I have to love her and she might not be here next week or next month. She's my biggest spiritual teacher, because I learned how to be the best person I can be from everything that I experienced, and that's your choice. No one can take that away from you ever, and that's where you're powerful, jesus oh my god.
Charlotte Beswick:Honestly, I think this whole week I was like saying, like stop playing the fucking victim card. But maybe I'm the one that's playing the victim card, maybe I'm the one that's like I'm the victim, I'm the problem it's me.
Chrystal :And if you were powerful, what would you do?
Charlotte Beswick:Don't ask me that question, because I'm not.
Chrystal :If you were, what would you do? If you were a powerful human, what would you do?
Charlotte Beswick:I would forgive her.
Chrystal :Well, first forgive yourself. Oh it's fucking. Jesus.
Rose Oates:All I can say is right now I just want to thank your mum, exactly. I want to thank your mum for creating the person that you are, and this is where I could get emotional with you. You need to thank your mum for creating Crystal that she is today, and I want to thank all the people that fucking did me dirty and they did and I shouldn't make a joke of it Because, honestly, they've made me the person that I am today.
Charlotte Beswick:I mean it doesn't mean that I have to. We do grow from our traumas, don't we?
Chrystal :Yes, If you're willing to integrate and learn from them. And integrating it is not pretty, but what you just said, rose, is so powerful. Because it's that, thank you, oh my gosh. Every single person I get to heal or mentor or that's listening to this podcast or that I get to serve and support is because of my mum. So all that quote-unquote negative or horrible things she ever said to me made me the best person ever.
Chrystal :It made me have compassion in my heart. It made me able to hold someone else in the darkest, deepest stuff, because I've been there and my mum's my biggest teacher and my greatest lesson, and I'm so grateful to her disease because it also gave me that Without dementia, I wouldn't really understand what true love for myself looked like. Oh my.
Rose Oates:God, it's such a powerful moment. Wow, charlotte, I just don't know what to say. I was going to have questions and be like what can you teach us? I think the whole time, this whole episode, you've taught us just so much and I hope that the people listening like today or whenever they listen just can take a little piece away from this.
Rose Oates:There's so many moments there that I've just been sitting here with my mouth open like, oh my God there that I've just been sitting here with my mouth open like, oh my God, just so many logical moments where I was like, oh, that makes so much sense, oh, okay, but even the gratitude and it makes me think of my own gratitude, I suppose and this is where I have healed a lot is that I'm actually I have.
Rose Oates:I have not a lot. Not a lot doesn't mean none. I have still got a lot of healing to do, but not a lot of hate for things and the people that have done me wrong in my past or things that have happened to me, because I am so happy to be in the position that I am today to be able to share my pain, to help others work through this. So, yeah, thank you so much for all your, your knowledge and your words and your wisdom and taking the time today. But, yeah, also thank you to your mum. Who would have thought I would have been thanking your mum on your podcast today? Who would have not? But, yeah, we're really grateful that you came on today.
Charlotte Beswick:Thanks so much for having me. So I guess now we need to know, like where do people book a session with you? How do we find you? Yeah, all the dates.
Chrystal :So I'm on Instagram. Know my story is quite a lot, which is charlotte underscore basic um, you can book a healing with me. I work out of freemantle in perth and also osborne park on different days of the week and also virtual healings and mentoring. So I support people with mentoring sessions, whether it's to work through something they're stuck on, a belief you know how to love themselves on the deepest level possible and get out of their head. That's via mentoring and you can find my website details below as well.
Rose Oates:We will put everything in the show notes for you to find Charlotte.
Chrystal :I also just want to say that I am giving you a discount, so anyone that listens to this podcast. Use the code BEARING15 for a 15% discount off a healing session.
Rose Oates:Well, we'll be booking our own session, legit, but no word of a lie. If you yes, we will put everything that you can find Charlotte through on our show notes, but, honestly, jump on her Instagram. She provides such amazing little short snippets of wisdom every single day. That's where I found Charlotte originally. I think Somehow we connected on Instagram, but I just. Every single day, she'll just pop up and there's always something that she's giving someone else and it's actually really beautiful if. If there's anywhere to start with charlotte, it's definitely on her stories and instagram. So, yeah, thank you so much for joining us so much.
Charlotte Beswick:I'm sorry I was so quiet today, but anyways, I know I took in a lot.
Rose Oates:I'm sorry, I took in a lot thanks ladies, sometimes we we're not only healing and sharing for other people, we're doing it for that song that we were singing on the weekend just came into my head.
Charlotte Beswick:Which one? Sometimes I run, Sometimes I cry. No, is it Cry? Addy. Sometimes I'm scared of you, but all I really want is to hold you tight. We've got the wrong words Deep inside. Am I singing it wrong? Yeah, probably.
Rose Oates:Or close?
Charlotte Beswick:I don't know no.
Chrystal :I don't know, we always do this.
Rose Oates:We were singing it on the weekend and I was just like.
Charlotte Beswick:This is so relevant right now, oh my.
Rose Oates:God, All right everybody. So, like always, make sure you take care of yourselves and take care of each other, bye, bye.
