Let's Chat! send us a message, question or a confession to unpack!
In this episode we speak with the inspiring Ashleigh King, the official choreographer for the Jungle Body. They open up about life, their resilience required to relearn to walk and dance again after paralysis from transverse myelitis and diagnosis of MS, the evolution of their non-binary identity, motherhood, the dynamics of family life and finding true love with wife Rosie. Get ready for a deep dive into Ash's life as they share how love triumphed over adversity and how cutting their hair became a defining moment of self-expression, challenging societal norms and fostering personal liberation.
Have you ever considered the profound impact a haircut can have on your identity? Or how your children might teach you a thing or two about acceptance? We tackle these questions head-on, discussing the nuances of personal pronouns, child curiosity, and the generational differences in understanding gender. Through laughter and earnest reflection, Ash takes us through their journey of self-discovery in their sexuality and gender - identifying as non-binary and the importance of creating a safe space for candid conversations about sexuality, highlighting how these dialogues can educate, liberate and strengthen not only the individual but also the family unit.
We admire Ash's determination, positive attitude, insight, and endurance of love amidst life's transformations. Tune in for an episode that will not only move and uplift you but also remind you of how life-changing and powerful it can be to embrace our true selves.
Follow Ash here on Instagram @thehandsomemum
Find the Girl Meet Girl Facebook group here - GIRL MEET GIRL
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask the hard questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_
And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
Let's Chat! send us a message, question or a confession to unpack!
In this episode we speak with the inspiring Ashleigh King, the official choreographer for the Jungle Body. They open up about life, their resilience required to relearn to walk and dance again after paralysis from transverse myelitis and diagnosis of MS, the evolution of their non-binary identity, motherhood, the dynamics of family life and finding true love with wife Rosie. Get ready for a deep dive into Ash's life as they share how love triumphed over adversity and how cutting their hair became a defining moment of self-expression, challenging societal norms and fostering personal liberation.
Have you ever considered the profound impact a haircut can have on your identity? Or how your children might teach you a thing or two about acceptance? We tackle these questions head-on, discussing the nuances of personal pronouns, child curiosity, and the generational differences in understanding gender. Through laughter and earnest reflection, Ash takes us through their journey of self-discovery in their sexuality and gender - identifying as non-binary and the importance of creating a safe space for candid conversations about sexuality, highlighting how these dialogues can educate, liberate and strengthen not only the individual but also the family unit.
We admire Ash's determination, positive attitude, insight, and endurance of love amidst life's transformations. Tune in for an episode that will not only move and uplift you but also remind you of how life-changing and powerful it can be to embrace our true selves.
Follow Ash here on Instagram @thehandsomemum
Find the Girl Meet Girl Facebook group here - GIRL MEET GIRL
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask the hard questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_
And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.
Chrystal:Where the conversations get real emotions run raw and nothing is filtered.
Rose:Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep, diving into everything from motherhood to mental health and everything in between. We want to get to know you, each other and our bodies, and things are going to get spicy. We're spicy.
Chrystal:Are you ready for it?
Rose:Let's do it. Today. We are pumped to have our next guest, the inspiring, talented and multi-faceted human, ashley King. Ash is the official choreographer for the Jungle Body, an amazing dancer with plenty of moves that we could definitely take some tips from. Just the fact that they are dancing today is amazing, as in 2021, ash's whole life changed. They had to learn to walk again, let alone dance, after an emergency hospital visit turned to receiving a diagnosis of transverse myelitis and MS. Ash is one determined and resilient person. From navigating their sexuality and gender Ash identifies as non-binary, a mum to seven-year-old Kenzie and one pampered pooch, harry To finding love, recently marrying Rosie and having to regain their sense of self independence and coping with a disability. It's an inspiration to watch their journey and to know them. Thanks so much for being here today, ash. Thanks for having me. I'm excited.
Chrystal:So there is like a million and one questions we could sit and ask you today. Your story is you've just had a wild ride over the last kind of few years and there's so many different things that we could delve into. But we kind of want to start at the beginning, like tell us a bit about your life, like from the beginning, a bit like we want to know obviously you were married to a man, how long ago was that?
Ashleigh King:uh, so Rosie and I've been together for almost six years so just over six years ago. Yeah, okay awesome.
Chrystal:so tell us a little bit about that. And obviously we've had a few people make comments at you that have not been very nice, and I'd love for you to delve into that a bit more and just kind of explain how things went down the road of like marriage after marriage and then how you met Rosie.
Ashleigh King:Yeah. So I met my ex-husband very young and there was a bit of an age gap and all I ever wanted my whole life was to get married, have kids, that kind of vibe. And when I was younger so in the nineties and the two thousands you know I knew that there was such a thing as being gay. My mum played softball, so like full of gays. One of her best friends years ago was lesbian, so I knew it was a thing, but it wasn't as common for them. Well, they couldn't get married at that time and it wasn't as common for them to have kids. And if it was, it was usually quite a hard, lengthy process.
Ashleigh King:So I kind of I've always identified as bisexual when I had my space it said bisexual and I would have only been 12, 13, 14. So I know, okay, I've always known that I enjoy looking at women.
Ashleigh King:I you know, at the time it was, and men too. But looking back I think it was kind of a safe option because I was like no, all else fails, I want to get married, I want to have kids. So then I met, yeah, my ex-husband when I was just out of school and we were together and then we were engaged and that was it. We got married, had my daughter, and then I kind of I had followed Rosie for quite a while online. We'd met at a Jungle Body event and then we kind of just fangirled over each other on Instagram.
Ashleigh King:And then we'd started talking and it was this weird. I don't even know how to explain it. I don't want to be like love at first sight, but it was this weird instant connection.
Rose:I was going to ask that. I was like was it a?
Ashleigh King:feeling. It was a feeling yeah, and it wasn't like a feeling of like, oh, I just want to be with you. It was just like whoa. The way you make me feel is something I've never felt before you make me feel is something I've never felt before.
Ashleigh King:You know, I love and I. We had the conversation and she was in a relationship and she was like, oh, you know, but I have a boyfriend. And I said, look, I love my husband, got you know my child, that's it. But when I walked away from that I was like left with this feeling of, oh, hang on, why don't I feel like that? Yeah, so I did. I had to do a bit of soul searching and I realised, like, maybe you are gay, maybe you've just kind of not settled, because he's an amazing man. We're still very good friends to this day. He's the best dad I could have ever had chosen for my child. Yeah, he's a very we always joke. He's a very good ex-husband.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, and I say to people like pick your husband based on going through a custody battle with them, because if they're an awful person and if you know that they're a spiteful person or that they're going to be like that, there is a there's always a chance, right. Shit goes wrong A lot of marriage breakups.
Chrystal:They end in a shit show, don't they?
Ashleigh King:Absolute shit show. And when kids are involved, you're going to be tied to this person for life, whether you are with them or you're not with them. So I picked a very good dad and I picked a very good ex-husband Um, and he was very supportive.
Rose:Yeah, I was going to say, was there a level of understanding as well? With him Because he already knew you were bisexual when he met you. So when you had those conversations, I mean obviously there's going to be a level of hurt, Absolutely, but was there also? And I was devastated because there was nothing fundamentally wrong with my marriage.
Ashleigh King:Like for me it was going to be forever, Like there was nothing wrong. Yeah. Yeah, we were, you know, almost 10 years into our relationship. We had our daughter, we were planning on having more. Like that was how it was, and so, of course, there was hurt, and a lot of. I think the hurt, especially with my family and friends, didn't come from like I never got any backlash for being with a woman. It was more that they were hurting because he was a part of my life since I was a teenager.
Chrystal:So they were kind of mourning that relationship.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, and I think once they saw that him and I are okay, we're not at each other, it's not affecting Kenzie, yeah, but they were like, okay, this is fine, you know, he's still come to family dinners I would, I'm still very, you know, with his family. So yeah, but he, he definitely was understanding I think more so understanding because it was a woman, you know he realised like this isn't something he can give me, this is this isn't a direct competitor to him.
Ashleigh King:It's not something that's just going to be he can fix or he can change or he can work on. This is like. This is who I am.
Rose:This is yeah this is a feeling you can't change within yourself.
Ashleigh King:So it hurt, but it was accepting in that sense, which is actually quite beautiful in that, yeah in that way and I had really kind of stifled a lot of who I was, not so much at the beginning of our relationship because I was who I was, but definitely once I got engaged, once I got married, especially once I'd become a mum, I kind of was like oh, I don't want to embarrass him or I don't want to embarrass her. I need to just like you know, be dressed as a woman. I remember having a conversation about a jungle body boy and I was like I'm gonna wear a tux. And he was like that, I'm not going with you.
Rose:And I was like oh, I did want to ask about this.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, I was really like oh shit, because you're very feminine looking prior to like.
Rose:You know you're beautiful, I mean, you're just blessed with luscious hair, yeah. So I think I've been to a. I mean I went to a jungle body class and first saw you when I didn't know who you were. You wouldn't have known me for a bar of smoke, I couldn't dance, I was hiding in the back and you had your hair in this lush, just like piled on the top of your head and you let it out at the end of the class and it was just a mane, yeah, and you were very feminine looking, yeah, and I suppose, did you feel that you had to sort of have that? Yeah, you had to sort of have that, you had to sort of portray, because I'm a mother and a wife, I have to sort of look like this the pressure.
Ashleigh King:I'm a dancer and so I've done calisthenics my whole life and so, being in that environment also, I think I was like, well, it's a women's only sport. I can't just, you know, rock up as a man or as a masculine, like I have to be, you know, up as Matt or as a in a masculine, like I have to be, you know, a little bit feminine. I'm getting on stage and sequins and glitter and lace and face full of makeup yeah, so it was kind of like this weird, like dynamic inside of me and I did really shut it down.
Ashleigh King:I have wanted to have short hair since I can remember and Can I tell you something though? What.
Chrystal:That first photo, when you cut your hair, I did not stop staring at it. I was like ash yeah, oh my God.
Ashleigh King:It was so liberating.
Chrystal:Yeah, you were short hair. I think I messaged you going like this is the best version of you Like.
Rose:It made sense, it was very. I mean, I'm going to say it was hot. I was like sorry, Rosie, not sorry, but it was, you just looked free yeah. Well.
Ashleigh King:Rosie really struggled with it at the beginning because she loved my long hair and it also comes from like my whole life. I was like you can't cut your hair, you can't cut your hair, I'd kill for hair like you, like you've been blessed with it, you got to keep it, and so I literally kept my hair long. I suffered with headaches because it was so thick. It was always matted and knotted because I just I always used to say I was, I was a terrible girl. It was so bad, like I just didn't know how to be a girl and all my friends would be like you know, doing hair? I don't even know. I don't even know what the things are look if anyone hasn't seen Ash's hair before, you need to go and have a look.
Chrystal:She's actually on one of the boxes at the salon. Mermaid hair.
Rose:Yeah, mermaid hair. She modelled for mermaid hair and her hair is just.
Ashleigh King:There's actually a really funny photo. Rosie put it up for my birthday. It's about three or four photos in and I did a photo shoot, the first photo shoot for mermaid hair. The photo shoot for mermaid hair, the long waves was ridiculously long at that point and I had to. I was actually booked in to cut it a month before and my boss she's also my best friend owns mermaid hair and she was like I will pay you not to cut it. She's like I need you for the shoot and then you can cut it. And I was like, okay, and then I did one recently for them as well with my short hair and they put it up and people were like, oh, it's like Barbie and Ken. And then when they realized it's the same person, they were like, oh, it's like Barbie and Ken and then when they realised it's the same person, they were like what the heck yeah?
Rose:Barbie can be whatever she wants to be. Yeah, no, it was wild and it was beautiful, but I get the whole cutting the hair thing. I feel I cut my hair off. I cut my hair off after I had my last two, like quite short. I've always had long hair, like I have now, and it felt like free. I knew there was a longing to do it, for no other reason that it just felt like a weight and a part of me that was connected. I cut it right off, hated it. I love having long hair. See, I feel myself when I have long hair.
Ashleigh King:Whereas I cut mine and I was like this is me, this is who I am, like I feel more myself than I ever have. We actually had this conversation with our hairdresser this is me, this is who.
Rose:I am Like I feel more myself than I ever have.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, but we actually had this conversation with our hairdresser. It just got done two days ago and Rosie was getting a chop and it was quite emotional and she was like I don't know why I'm so and we were like your hair holds so much of your trauma and you know that hair has been with her in the last 12 months through some pretty awful you know emotional roller coaster. So it's not just cutting off your hair, it's cutting off all those memories and starting afresh. And it does. And that's what it felt like for me when I cut it. I was like this feels like I've let go of all the pretending of who I'm trying to be and I'm like I can just be me and I love it.
Rose:Yeah, I feel that to my soul when it comes to hair and I think a lot of people will relate with hair because we always cut our hair, like after we have a baby, or like a big life event. And for me, those last two, like after having the two last ones that's how I felt. I was like it needs I don't know why, but it needs to all go as much as possible and it felt good.
Ashleigh King:I think a lot of people hide behind their hair as well. Yes, you see people that's me. We've been watching maps and there's a girl in there with really long hair and you can tell that there's a lot of like she just wants to be invisible and it's like her hair's giving her that safety blanket.
Rose:Yep and yours was actually suffocating you.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, I think mine was like my tie to being feminine. Yep, it was like my. Oh, you've got long hair. If you put your long hair down, you're doing okay. You're looking like a girl. Like whereas inside I was like I feel ridiculous. But, it's like no, you're blending in as long as you've got your long hair. So cutting it for me was like you're not hiding anymore. You're not hiding anymore this is who you are like.
Chrystal:Your hair is finally catching up to, yeah, the insides. I'll never forget. I went to an event, um, I think it was for Glamour Nail Bar, and you came wearing this suit, like these amazing shoes I'll never forget, and your hair and I was like I want to go and buy a suit and I don't mind wearing a suit. Actually, I feel like suits are so powerful so powerful, but I remember seeing you and being like man. Yeah, like that look is oh.
Ashleigh King:I remember the first the jungle body ball. So, the jungle body ball after I, the year before, yeah, my ex-husband was like, well, I'm not going. And I was like, oh shit, okay, better wear a dress. And um, I look back at those photos of me in that dress and I'm like, oh shit, okay, better wear a dress. And um, I look back at those photos of me in that dress and I'm like, oh you like and you probably felt so.
Chrystal:I was so uncomfortable you'd be able to see it you can.
Ashleigh King:You can see it in every photo. And then the year after, when I was with Rosie and I wore my suit and I was like I can dance, I can move, I can breathe, I don't have to wear heels. I'm a tall person, I hated wearing heels because I was like I'm already tall, I don't need to be taller.
Chrystal:She can do the wap dance.
Rose:Yeah, do the limbo yeah like, feel free, feel yourself, feel yourself um. That brings me to the sexual identity. So when you met Rosie initially, yeah, how did you identify? And how did Rosie identify?
Ashleigh King:uh probably both bisexual, yeah, by in heterosexual relationships, okay, um, but she was the same as me. We'd both kind of like explored with women over the years. We both had that, but we'd never been in a relationship with a woman. Okay, and probably both, partly because, like she grew up in a very, very Catholic school, didn't really know that you could even be with girls, and then I knew you could. But again it was that like I want a baby, I want to get married, so this is how I have to be, this is the path.
Chrystal:Yeah, okay. So then, at what point? Because obviously, when you first started your relationship with Rosie, your pronoun was she. At what point did you know that you wanted to identify as non-binary? Do you know, do?
Ashleigh King:you know what, when I met Rosie, I didn't even know what non-binary was. I don't think many people did. I don't think it.
Speaker 4:It wasn't as much a thing. I'm not saying, it's not a thing.
Ashleigh King:It's always been a thing, but we just have a name for it now. And that's like because so many of older generations are like oh, you're just making up names for things. I'm like we have diseases that we have names for now that we didn't have 50 years ago.
Chrystal:Thank you.
Ashleigh King:And you're happy to recognise that better, right.
Chrystal:So I think that's why this topic is like really important for Rose and I to bring up, because there is so many questions around it and there are a lot of like hate comments aimed at it, which I think it's just educating people now, um people are afraid of what they don't know what they don't understand and they.
Ashleigh King:We are a very um egocentric society in that we relate. I was reading an article from a psychologist recently. We relate everything to us and we want everything to apply to us. So when we this is why people have such strong opinions online and you're like this actually has nothing to do with you, why are you making this about you? But it's because they try to fit it to them and if they can't relate, they're uncomfortable. So for a lot of people hearing like or educating kids about you know queer identity or people are like oh, it's going to make them gay. You're never going to make someone gay. Nobody wants that drama.
Chrystal:I literally had this conversation last week with a family member. They were like I don't know if I'm comfortable with kids being taught in school and I said I feel like that is the most important thing that they're taught in school. So then when they're growing up, they are educated on different. You know how people feel yeah, identified.
Ashleigh King:No one's going to actively seek out being a minority right yeah because the reality is, life is harder when you're a minority, so you're not going to like, I'm going to pretend to be this. It doesn't work like that and it's like you.
Rose:You wanted to have a family and you didn't think that was almost a choice. It was almost like I have to choose between my sexuality or a family. I think kids know A lot of kids, a lot of people we've met as well. Friends and stuff have gone.
Ashleigh King:I've just known I've never been attracted to men, ever, ever. You don't just make that up, you're not making it. What you're doing is you're allowing them to be themselves, be themselves and feel like they are themselves and it's.
Ashleigh King:it's the same. It's the same as um gender expression, in that I'm not like trying to, you know, turn kids in the playground into non-binary or trans, but for that little girl in the playground that just wants to go play football with the boys, wants to wear boys' clothes, doesn't feel like a girl for her to be like, huh I'm, because, because that was me I was like I don't feel like a girl, I don't feel like my friends would talk and I'd be like what the actual like? Are we on a different planet?
Ashleigh King:yeah, and I still get that in in groups of women. I'm like, oh, I am not a girl because I my brain does not think like that so for me if I had of.
Ashleigh King:And one of the first person people I saw was an online um, someone on social media, and they're like I'm non-binary, this is what it means, and I was like, oh, I need to do some investigation that's me, yeah, I'm not a girl, but I'm not a boy, like I'm not trans, because I knew what trans was and I was like I kind of had those thoughts like maybe I'm in the wrong body, maybe I am a boy, yeah, and I really did go hard that way for a while and kind of spiraled in like okay, let's think about this, let's think about what that would mean for me, my family. But then when I sat and looked at it I was like no, I'm neither. I'm actually neither I'm not a girl. It's very obvious that I'm not a girl inside my brain. But I also don't want to be a boy. I don't. I don't not that there's anything wrong with that, I just it's.
Chrystal:It's not me and I don't know how you feel, and I think that's the important part. Where that's okay.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, I am somewhere in between and that that's okay and it's not. Giving it a label doesn't automatically be like okay, I'm fixed yeah fixed and I just it's like I belong I am. This is who I am, and I think that's the important part of there's so many different ones, and that's what the older generation struggle.
Ashleigh King:They're like you can't there's so many different things. I think the most important thing here is just to listen to what people are saying they feel and honoring that. So if this person's saying I identify as this, this is who I feel I am, okay, that's who you are. Yeah, we don't have a right to tell people who they are or how they feel Exactly.
Rose:It is harder, I think, for the older generation and even we're older millennials I am anyway. Yeah, me and Crystal are on that older side of millennials. We were not. There was not as much social media, there was not as much talk about it. Like you were saying, in the 90s, you knew there were gay people. They couldn't get married. There were so many.
Rose:It was almost like we just saw a pride parade once a year and that was sort of it. It was like they existed but it wasn't out and proud as much as I feel I love seeing now, I love seeing it, but it so it is confusing and that's why we really did want to talk about it as well. Like there's confusion around, I think people do want to accept it as well or make sure that they're not stuffing up. And we were talking about this before. Like I misgendered someone and my kids went oh, mum, they're not a she, there are they, them. And just, it was so normal for them it was, so it didn't seem like a big deal. They were just like, oh, you stuffed up. But they are growing differently because they're exposed to it Absolutely, because they're being taught the right way to, and it's almost so refreshing. Yeah, but it's also nice that we now need to be educated in the same ways. There's no. How am I trying to say this Like it's okay?
Ashleigh King:to go back. There's no like crash course in how yeah Like they've already given the crash. They've already had the course. Yeah they've grown up with it and we are a more connected society. We are seeing everything. And for the people that are like, oh, we didn't have this in my day yeah, you did, it just wasn't shared because you didn't have social media, you didn't have you had, like your nightly news bulletin, that it just wasn't the whole coming out is just a bit barbaric.
Ashleigh King:And I was talking with a friend recently about in AFL how there's no openly gay AFL players in playing in the big league, and there was in rugby league and he was kind of made the example and the spokesperson, and that's such a big weight to carry because, again, not everyone feels the same. Just because we're gay, we don't automatically become robots and we all think the same and have the same feelings.
Ashleigh King:So, we still need to do better in that. In protecting his just whoever, the first one is to come out just being like cool, welcome, that's it. We don't need to be interviewing him every night of the week, we don't need to be asking him if there's more in the league, just let it go, because then you look at the women's league and 80% of them are gay and it's not a thing, it's just.
Chrystal:They don't make a big deal over it. No, it's beautiful though.
Rose:That's a beautiful thing.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, that they can, but I also think as a community, I have a very different outlook on education. I guess I think I've got a lot of friends who are very angry, and rightly so. They've been treated very poorly or they've been discriminated against. But I think we're not going to educate if we don't do it with love. I think any minority group, especially one that's so charged, it's very easy to just be like you need to learn, yeah, you need to, you know it's up to Well, yeah, but don't you want to tell them your side, don't you want to have them empathize with you and your story? So it's like when people I misgender people too like we're not immune to it.
Ashleigh King:We just naturally get it right, but it's about acknowledging it. So if you do misgender someone, just being like, oh sorry, I'm moving on, I'm moving on, don't make a big deal out, explain themselves, don't make them feel weird. I think the only time I've ever got a bit annoyed is when I know someone's doing it on purpose or they're just being a bit of a dick around it.
Chrystal:What? Like you're in a conversation and they're purposely saying she or her you can tell, yeah, you can tell. Or they'll say like.
Rose:I don't believe in that, and you're like well, you don't have to. Okay, it's not Santa Claus, like I you believe in. I'm a human, I am who I am telling you.
Ashleigh King:This is how I feel I'm actually saying. I'm actually right here. So, like whatever, um and the same as, like the older generation, my family, I, my photographer oh sorry, the videographer for the wedding actually emailed us and she was like do you want me to edit out all the times your family say? She and I was like no, I don't, because that's how they know me yeah they've had me as 30 years of ash, as a she, as our daughter, and it's probably not going to change and that's fine.
Chrystal:Yeah, I don't, you're not getting angry at them.
Ashleigh King:Labels like that because I'm also very comfortable in who I am. Call me what you want like it is what it is. I understand people who have had to fight for who. They are getting a little bit more upset, but I think we all just need to take a step back and be like okay, this is a learning opportunity. Let's just be like actually, these are my pronouns. Do you know what that means? Like so yeah.
Chrystal:So I guess the next question was like when you did change your pronouns, did you have that conversation with your family? How did they know?
Ashleigh King:Yeah, no, no, I haven't.
Chrystal:Okay.
Ashleigh King:And I haven't even really bothered. I could, I could, but I just I genuinely am not bothered by my family. They see, they follow me on social media, they see on social media. So no, but we've never had a full conversation about it and that's because I'm not like it's not my sword to die on, I'm like it is what it is. I, for a while my pronouns were she, they, because I was like I'm just going to ease on into it. I realised very quickly that was for other people, not for me.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, so I was like no, I am going to go with it. If people get it wrong, that's fine. I'm not going to be mad, I'm not going to let it ruin my day or or take up energy. I'm just like actually, these are my pronouns and I know that from the younger generation on it's just gonna be that way, and I find a lot of people. My favorite argument ever is when people like, oh, pronouns don't exist.
Ashleigh King:I'm like, actually, we've been using pronouns since the beginning of language and you actually have them, like that's my favorite thing it's on your.
Chrystal:No, it's not.
Rose:It's not but gender's on passport.
Chrystal:Yes.
Rose:But it's like, how do I refer to you if you don't have a pronoun?
Chrystal:then, mate. Oh my gosh, Like, has Kenz asked any questions? Like is she inquisitive about the whole thing or not?
Ashleigh King:really she's not really bothered. We've had conversations with her. Rosie's really good at it, because our Rosie kind of goes into fight for me with it a little bit and it's sweet. I love that for her, but it's also probably a little bit her wrapping her head around it and you know how sometimes if you teach something, you learn you learn it yeah so we've had some really good conversations. Kenz just gets it you're still mum.
Ashleigh King:I'm still mum and she will, you know, say things. We'll watch the show, and she's like they're a non-binary too, mum and she. She said some really cute things. Actually, we watched, um a footy game a while back and um, she was like, mum, is this the girls or the boys? And I was like it's the boys. She was like, okay, she's like mum, is there a non-binary team?
Ashleigh King:and I was like oh no, I was like, maybe one day there will be, who knows. But yeah, she gets it, kids get it, because kids are so funny.
Rose:I feel like they just naturally like adapt, though yeah, they're like, oh cool. They see you for the person you are and not for what the world, I think, sees you or wants you to be.
Ashleigh King:They're still very inquisitive, like the times that I've gone into school to like volunteer, when she was in kindy and one of the girls was like why do you have two mums? And Kenzie was like why don't you like? And she's also when she was like really little. I remember her asking another girl in the playground. She's like who's your other mummy? And we were like oh no, no, no, not, not everyone has.
Ashleigh King:And I think it's different for her because she also has a dad yeah, yeah like if Rosie and I have a child, now that that child won't have a dad. So it's a completely different dynamic to navigate. But I think kids are just like oh okay, sure.
Chrystal:Yeah, I feel like the kids need to know the questions, like my daughter is so inquisitive and sometimes I don't even know like the answer. Yeah, like she actually wanted to fight this kid at school because a little boy said that he was gay. Yeah. A little boy said that he was gay and some kids were picking on him and then she was like going to fight them, saying he's just human, I love that, he's like me and you yeah. Anyway, she asked all the questions.
Ashleigh King:And it's okay to not know the answers.
Chrystal:Sometimes I'm like babe, I don't know.
Ashleigh King:But that is the best answer. I think a lot of parents lie and they do it to protect what they think is innocence or they just do it because they don't have an answer or they're uncomfortable with the answer, so they'll lie about it rather than just saying, hey, I actually don't know the answer to that. Let's find out together. That's one of the best things you can say to your kids to make their minds grow.
Chrystal:No, but it's when she asked me how do two men have a baby? And I'm like they need help, like those sort of questions. I'm like I'm not going to lie to her and say, oh, it's magic.
Rose:They just have a baby. Because the reason I said funny you should mention this is I was taking my makeup off last night and Tut, my four-year-old, was laying in bed and she told Craig out loud she's like babies come from lettuce leaves and I nearly died. I said Craig, what did she say? Craig was laughing.
Chrystal:Did Craig tell her that?
Rose:No, a kid at school. So Blake told me this is not the girl's name, but that you know the babies come out of lettuce leaves and I was like no, they don't, so their parent is uncomfortable around the conversation of sex and where babies come from and has just made it up and we are not uncomfortable around that topic.
Chrystal:That kid is going to be very confused.
Ashleigh King:Our kid comes out. She knows everything.
Rose:I have always told her. I said no Tart, you know where babies come from? Yeah, out of the vagina. And I was like exactly, and I'm like I don't want her to think it's rude and that's why I was like cracking up, I don't go into, like I have called it a special hug. I was like you know the mum and the dad, you know we have a special hug, and then he's got, like you know his penis and there's a vagina. And then you know I haven't gone into depth she's four there.
Rose:There's also like Age appropriate.
Ashleigh King:Age appropriate. There's a really good book at Kmart that we bought years ago. I think it's called when Do Babies Come From, and it's the most scientifically accurate book that I've ever found for kids and it's Kenzie's favourite book. She'll always bring it out. What's it called?
Chrystal:I think they gave it to my kids in school when they did the sex talk.
Ashleigh King:It's so fantastic, and she knows, even mentions IVF. It mentions same-sex couples and sperm donation.
Rose:I love that.
Ashleigh King:And so we've had that conversation with Kenzie, because she'll be like well, how do you make a baby? And we'll say we need some help, we need a donor. We are all just a sum of our parts, right? So an egg and a sperm, and that's how life happens. That's how birds make babies and that's how animals make babies, and they don't need to know. Yeah, age appropriate.
Chrystal:They're nitty gritty, but I mean, you do have glass dildos all over your house, don't you? Yeah?
Ashleigh King:we do and actually funny you say that because we've got a lot of hate for that over the years because people are like, oh, it's age appropriate. I'm like she actually knows what they're for too. Thought too. She's not like, oh, this is just a toy. She knows they're adult toys, she knows that it goes in the vagina. Or she's said something about a butt plug the other day and almost died and she was like when I'm a grown-up I can do that if I want to. Hey, mum, and I was like, yeah, when you're a grown-up, when it's, you know, we've had some uncomfortable conversations, rosie and I, about you know when the time comes that all kids go through it, they're touching themselves because it feels good, right, and how we want to react and it's just like. I know that feels good, but this is something we do in the privacy of our own room, so feel free to keep doing it, but just not in public living spaces, and those people, though, that are having a go.
Chrystal:It's like, mate, what our kids are watching on the internet or what they're listening to in the school grounds.
Rose:I can guarantee it's much worse than what we're educating our kids on, but also misinformation in all regards around sexuality, around sex.
Ashleigh King:If they're learning it from their friends, they're learning it wrong and they're learning dangerous things that, a lead to bad things happening to teenagers, or B, it leads to women or men being so shut down around their sexuality and having trauma and need help in their adulthood rather than just being like.
Ashleigh King:Do you know what I vividly remember? In year I must have been year six and we had this company come in to teach us sex ed and they took the boys outside and the girls stayed inside and the girls learned about periods and the boys came in. They learned about masturbation and wet dreams and I remember, remember, being like where was our masturbation chat?
Ashleigh King:Are we not meant to do like? Are we not allowed to do that? And I, I think it's so equally important to teach girls that they are allowed to have pleasure and they are allowed to masturbate and they're allowed to touch themselves. It's not just boys, and also boys need to learn about periods, because if they're going to be a husband one day, they're going to be a total jackass. That is just like. I don't want to hear about it, don't want to know Like.
Chrystal:I've already had that chat with Levi.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, it's got to be open. My friend's son. She sent him to high school with a little bag, just as she would send her daughter with tampons, pads and condoms all three and she said it's good for you to hold them too, because if you have a friend, that's a girl or a girl.
Rose:That's desperate you've got one. It still does happen. I think they still separate them. I'm pretty sure my 13-year-old they still separated them and that kind of makes me sad because I do, like you were just saying, I really would love the boys to feel comfortable around those chats that. You know, periods are how you actually, you know, one day your wife or partner if that's the way that you know you're going is going to have a baby, and without a period or even if you're not like.
Ashleigh King:I've got gay friends who now have a daughter and they're like what do I do? Like how do I don't know? Yeah, so it, yeah, it's, it's super important. Kenzie knows exactly what they are. Nothing, nothing is off limits. We're obviously not like here you go try it, like that's not going to happen do you know when she's a teenager?
Chrystal:then we're able to have that conversation to be like if you feel like doing that, here you go she's actually going to be such a confident like woman growing up because of all of those things that you guys have taught her. She's in the known of it. I feel like the kids that are sheltered and told that babies come from lettuce leaves they're going to get a shock when they find out they're going to be like what do you mean? Babies, come out of my vagina.
Ashleigh King:I know they're also the kids that get pregnant as teenagers on the first go, because they think they can't get pregnant on the first try, because it comes out of a lettuce leaf obviously.
Rose:I don't have a lettuce in the house. I was giggling so hard and then she was more convinced that I was lying. Yeah, after all that. And I was like this is undone. So much work. So we had to sit there and be like no let's, let's go over this again. We had actually poor little Blake very early on.
Ashleigh King:Kenzie threw some shade at us which was in the back, because she was like something about marriage. She was like no, mum, girls marry boys. And I was like what? And she was adamant. She was like no, girls can't marry girls, girls can only marry boys. And she was so and we were like this little homophobe in the back, what the actual no, kenzie, where did that come from? And she's very like I've had to like was like no, girls can't play football. And I'm like, oh my god, I play football.
Rose:Like what the action she's like, it's just in her, but it happens so fast in the in the school system as well, because I was a huge tomboy. Yeah, I grew up with my brothers and my cousins. I wanted to be exactly like them. I hated wearing dresses, I played footy, I was tougher than them, I could beat the crap out of them, I was stronger than them and I loved it. I've always been athletic. I believe a lot of my body issues and acceptance came from not accepting that that was okay, that I should have been more feminine, that my body should have been more curvy, that I looked too muscular, I looked too masculine and I was acting too masculine and I was constantly told act like a girl, go inside and paint your nails. My dad has actually said that to me. I've talked to him about that now and he didn't do it in a mean way. He was just like I don't want you to be looking it was, he was worried.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, he was trying to protect you from what other people would say, or and that comes from how they were parented exactly like the patriarchy which is, you know, the buzzword of of the decade. But it's, it's true, it's.
Rose:We were told that we have to do it like this and if we're not, it's wrong and it's yeah, and I think that's also important because I am so, I feel so feminine and I feel so comfortable with my sexuality, but you're also allowed to. You're just. I love sport and I love, you know, being strong, and I loved hanging out with the boys and it felt very comfortable. Also, that it's okay to be yourself and that sexuality and your gender are completely two different things. You don't have to present a certain way.
Chrystal:I'm having this issue with Natalia at the moment because she only wants to wear baggy t-shirts and bike shorts. And so when we go out to an event, my husband's like put on a dress, and she's like I don't want to wear a dress, I don't like dresses. And I'm like can you just let her be comfortable in whatever she wants to wear?
Ashleigh King:Yeah, if that's bike shorts and a dressier top or a dressier t-shirt, but also you can also ask her to be like do you want a suit, do you want to go and buy a suit? Like they're things I wish I had the opportunity to do, because I was always like ugh a dress. And actually someone posted in a group I'm in recently. They're like I'm getting married, all Like I'm getting married. All my kids are bridesmaids, but I've got one daughter refusing to wear a dress and she's just being difficult and she blah, blah, blah, blah, and I was like what about your son?
Ashleigh King:She's like he's wearing a suit. She wants to wear a suit too, and I'm like why would you say no Like? Why would you want her to feel uncomfortable? What is the big deal.
Rose:And at the end of the day, the big answer questions. If people are like, oh, why is she wearing a suit? Like, but why does that automatically how we dress have to equal? Exactly right, what we are, exactly right. So, yeah, that's really important as well. I'm glad we went down that. But let's go back to you. Have recently married. Yeah to the love of your life. Yeah, look at that face immediately.
Ashleigh King:I'm still in the bubble.
Rose:Yeah, our wedding the, the smile has hit ear to ear. Yeah, finding love. Did you ever think you would find a love like you have at the moment? Like, did you think it was possible, like you had the?
Ashleigh King:connection, Like I had a very good marriage and I was very happy in that. But now having this, I'm like I don't think many people experience this because people don't talk about it like you hear about it in like movies or poetry or stuff, but you're just like you're making that up.
Rose:So you were happy in your marriage but you weren't like love, like deep. Yeah, like you were, like I'm happy.
Ashleigh King:I definitely loved him, but it was a safe yes, it wasn't risky love. It wasn't like and I always used to say we used to joke because he was 13 years older than me.
Ashleigh King:So, we used to joke I'd be like, well, you're going to die first one, you know, and when that happens and I'm alone, I'll marry a woman, like it was always a joke. And there was always this like after, not, I was thinking it and wanting it, but there was that thought of what would I do after, and wanting it, but there was that thought of what would I do after, whereas with Rosie there's no after. There's like there is us and then there is hell and I don't want after there's.
Ashleigh King:There's no other thoughts yeah.
Chrystal:I know during your wedding vows um, rosie said or was it you, I think it was Rosie that said she felt like her soul recognized you yeah it was it was literally like you are who I meant to be with.
Ashleigh King:It's like we've found each other in past lifetimes and we'll find each other again yeah, this is how it's meant to be.
Rose:I know, yeah, there's no after me and Craig. That's the thing. That's why I wanted to ask this question is because it's always okay to see people hating on their husbands or wives or whatever partners on socials, in the media, like it's a haha joke. Yeah, but it's almost more uncommon to be in love. They're like oh, fuck off. Yeah, like you're.
Ashleigh King:You're pretending oh, it's like or be sunshine, and it's not all sunshine and roses, there's two different but it does exist a but like. Not once have I ever. I don't know, I don't. I used to, like my husband and I. You know we used to fight, that was what it was, and Rosie and I fight, but I never, I don't ever want to and I don't ever want to stir her up and I just want to fix it if we've had a miscommunication.
Rose:And I don't want to like. I genuinely yeah, I don't know. Ash just said that they were in the love bubble, but you guys have been together six years. Yeah, we have that's a big bubble, that's a beautiful big love bubble.
Ashleigh King:There's been moments that it's like you know, all hell has broken loose. We've gone through grief. We've gone through like life being turned upside down, um. We've gone through step parenting a two-year-old like it's a lot, but we're still very happily in that bubble like I don't think we're. Yeah, there's not a point where we're like oh yeah, just that's my wife. Like yeah.
Chrystal:I'm not.
Ashleigh King:I'm like this is the greatest human I've ever known and I'm like so excited to be married you know what, too, though?
Chrystal:I feel like you guys, an inspiration, yeah, just the fact that people can look at you guys and be like it's okay that I'm allowed to be like that as well like with my partner, but also that true love is possible Absolutely.
Rose:It gives people hope and it might not be what you expect or want in life.
Ashleigh King:We've got a few friends that are dating. Fuck that honestly.
Chrystal:I don't know what to do if I became single again.
Ashleigh King:I just genuinely want to. It's like hell. I look at it and I'm like thank God I do not have to do that, because that is hell.
Ashleigh King:But, I look at them and they're like I've got this. You know, this is my list of prerequisites and I'm absolutely, I'm all for that. You have to have non-negotiables. You have to be unwavering in your boundaries of what you. But I think sometimes they're non-negotiables are shit and I'm like you're non-negotiable, like why? Why do you? Because you, you might be blocking the door on your soul mate who has that one thing.
Rose:Or it's just about ebbs and flows and compromises and just, I think, giving people a go. So Craig and I had a conversation last. We were just talking about, obviously, lettuce leaves, um meeting you today, um talking with you today, and he said, like what, if that was me? That I decided I wasn't going to be, I didn't feel male anymore. Yeah, would you leave me? And I was like whoa, craig is a very masculine blokey bloke. You've met Craig. You know Craig well. I was like you never had to think about it.
Rose:He's never posed that question. I was like you never had to think about it. He's never posed that question. I was like this is deep for you, babe, like he's not a deep person.
Ashleigh King:But do you mean if he wasn't masculine and blokey, or he wasn't? No, he said because you can still be a masculine, like he could still be masculine and also not a woman.
Rose:No, yeah, he was like what if I was? He goes, I wanted to be a female. And I was like he's like, would you still stay with me, would you want to, would you? I said, yeah, I would still be with you. I was like 100%.
Ashleigh King:Your morals and who you are. I said it's you.
Rose:I said, I think to a point and I don't know if you guys feel the same to a point I stopped seeing Craig. This is weird to say. I stopped seeing him as a man, yeah, as a human, and I only see Craig like me and him the feeling. He gives me the person that he is. And we've been together 18, 19 years this year and that's not to say it wouldn't be hard.
Ashleigh King:No, and there's parts of him that you would miss and I think that we've had to navigate that because, like Rosie was being like but I really loved when you had long hair or she used to love when I used to do calisthenics. I'd come home from training and I'd wear my leotard and she was like I love that and I'm like I can chuck the leotard on anytime and you're like it's in the wardrobe, it's fine, you know.
Ashleigh King:So there was parts of my femininity that she did like and I'm like we can address that like yeah, we can play with that. And I also have friends that were lesbians and now one partner has transitioned as a man and has had top surgery and they always get questions like but you know, your wife loves you as a woman and loves your boobs, so they're gonna miss that. And more often than not the wives come out and be like I actually just love them, I actually don't care.
Ashleigh King:Like if it's making them happier. Of course, there's going to be people that would be like I really miss your boobs, Like I really don't want you to have top surgery. I really love that about you and that is going to be a hard thing to navigate if one person doesn't want it and one person does of course, but as long as you're willing to work through that and compromise.
Rose:Yeah, that's what I just thought. It was such an interesting thing for him. He doesn't go deep, so I was like what. I was like who are you? He was intrigued on the subject. Yeah, he was very interested as well and I was like it is wild though that you actually can, you do eventually just see a person. Yeah, absolutely Obviously. You know you still are attracted to a male or female, whatever, or whatever that may be, but yeah, I was like wow, craig.
Rose:I was like that was really in depth even for me to think about I hadn't actually put myself in that position and I was like no, I do love you, but I know that, yeah, some people would be non-negotiable, Some people and, like you were saying, it'd be very hard to you know, navigate some parts of that journey.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, you know, navigate some parts of that journey. Yeah, I think because there's so many moving parts there is, but I think we also wanted to touch base, we could literally talk forever, so forever, with you very faceted.
Chrystal:Yeah, we did. You like that word. Whoever followed you on social or haven't followed you on socials may or may not have seen that you went through a really crazy time in your life where you were diagnosed with TM and MS Yep.
Chrystal:Watching it on the outside myself, I was like fearful, like I was like you had like something coming out of your neck and I was like, oh my gosh, I was so invested, I was like watching and I was just like, oh my, I felt so much. Emotions Got hectic real quick. Oh my gosh, like tell us, how, how, how did that even happen? Because, like what literally went? I saw you in a hospital bed and I was like what?
Rose:and she was paralyzed, yeah, and I was like I literally was like is Ash gonna die? Like I genuinely was like what's happening?
Ashleigh King:yeah, yeah, well we felt that way too. So I three years ago, basically this week, I um, it was the end of Jan I thought I kind of hurt my hip. I was a dancer, so I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever, it's just another injury Went to my first training for the year and I just couldn't push past the hip pain, like trying to do my splits, and normally it's sore but you can do it. But I couldn't go any further and I was like this is really weird. Fine, maybe I've pinched a nerve. It started to get worse in the. It was just hip pain, just localized.
Ashleigh King:So then I went to the chiro and he was like, oh, have you got any numbness? And I was like, oh, I have had a bit of like going in and out of numbness. I was like I just assumed that I'd pinched a nerve and that was why. And he's, he's like here's a referral for the doctor. And then so I was like, okay, I'll go to the doctor. And I was like I don't want to pay 700 bucks for an MRI, just fix my pinched nerve.
Ashleigh King:So then a few days went past, waiting for my doctor's appointment, went into the doctor and I vividly by that stage it was numb a lot more. But again I just thought it was this pinched nerve and I got up on the hospital bed and he like lifted my leg up and he goes, hold it here and let it go and it just dropped and I was like what the hell? Like I can't, I couldn't hold it there and I was like it's really weird. And he's like, and I'd started to develop this weird like nerve pain, but it wasn't too bad, it was just on my thigh. I was like it's just, you know, someone just needs to fix my back. It's awkward. He said to me, if it gets any worse over the next 24 hours, go straight to emergency. And I was like, okay, sure, the next day was Saturday. I went to training, I had training all day and by lunchtime I was like bent over. I couldn't lift my legs, couldn't move it. So was the pain in your leg that?
Rose:day.
Ashleigh King:Still in my hip, but my thigh, the nerve pain, and it was hot. So I was wearing shorts, just sport shorts, and I had to roll it up so it couldn't be touching Anything. Just lightly touching my skin was horrific. I almost bopped Kenzie in the face because she came up and like hugged me and I was like, get off me. It was horrific. It just got worse and worse and worse. So I went to the hospital that night. I could hardly walk and by the time we were admitted into that hospital, like we were in the waiting room.
Ashleigh King:It was a Saturday night, so of course it was just hectic. I literally couldn't feel either of my legs, couldn't walk. I had to get a wheelchair, other than the pain in my thigh and I'm very. Someone above was watching me because normally on a Saturday and Sunday they don't have radiographers at the hospital. They wait till Monday. So there was no x-rays or MRI person there, um, so they were like, oh, in the waiting room. They're like we'll probably get you some painkillers, check it out, we'll send you home, you'll probably come back for an appointment on Monday. We're like, okay, whatever, and like we weren't even thinking anything of it. We literally sat in the waiting room and Rosie was like, oh, when we leave, we leave, we'll go get a beer. And I was like, yeah, cool, I didn't leave for four weeks. So that's like From that day. From that day I was admitted, all it took was this one doctor to take me seriously and he was playing around some very invasive tests. I remember probably TMI. No, never, he was like I but sure.
Ashleigh King:I wasn't expecting that and so he did, and he was like blah, blah. And he was like where can you? And I was like I can't feel it and Rosie's like are you joking? And I was like I can't feel a thing, couldn't feel a thing and I, at that point, I couldn't go to, I had no feeling to go to the toilet. I couldn't push, I had no feeling couldn't walk.
Rose:you couldn't walk at this stage, but they were going to send you home. Is that what I'm hearing at first?
Ashleigh King:No, not at first At first, when they were kind of like oh, it's a nerve, okay yeah. Once they did this, he was like then there was a major car accident, so they called in the on-call radiographer and they were like we're just going to sneak you in there, and thank God because.
Ashleigh King:It was worse than what, so I came out and I remember him coming in and being like so there's inflammation on your spinal cord, it's called transverse myelitis. And I remember him saying like it could be linked to multiple sclerosis and like it was not what we were expecting at all. So Rosie and I were just like I beg your pardon Like that's like a big disease. Like what the hell?
Ashleigh King:And so they admitted me that night. Rosie went home distraught because it was after visiting hours. She was just a mess, fair enough. Like your partner can't walk.
Chrystal:She probably went on Google, though that's what I would do.
Rose:You would have got to Google your life away.
Ashleigh King:I don't think she did. She's not really like that, that's good. But she just went home a mess because she was like don't want to go home without you. I didn't, I wasn't expecting to leave you there. I had nothing. I had like yeah. And so then I'm yeah again. I'm lucky the on-call radiographer came in and I'm lucky that only six months prior they had actually had a case at Charles Gardner, so they knew exactly what it was.
Ashleigh King:It's incredibly rare, it's like one in four million people or something, and it's essentially inflammation on both sides of the spinal cord. So so mine is at my T11 vertebra right around my belly button and it just looks like a little air pocket in my spinal cord. Okay, does it develop?
Rose:or what.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, so there's slow onset and quick onset, and mine was, funnily enough, slow onset. There's some people the guy that they had had six months before was literally running down the coast and bang numb fall on his face gone.
Chrystal:Wow, I was thinking yours was quick, but it was over days, yeah it was over about two or three weeks.
Ashleigh King:So I first remember end of Jan was our first training and Valentine's day. It was getting pretty bad. We sat at a hotel and I remember just floating in the pool like this feels so much better of the weight, and then I think I went in a few days after that. Um, yeah, it was pretty pretty bad.
Rose:So now, is t tm something that you live? Is it something you live with?
Ashleigh King:yeah, so tm is just the it's inflammation on the spinal cord. Yeah, so yeah, I does it come back. Can it come back? Yeah it can, it can, it can have. So basically it's caused by my. My body has, like it's sensed something coming into the body, it's gone to attack and it's just attacked its own spinal cord okay that makes sense.
Ashleigh King:We still don't know, and we probably will never know what caused it. They they think for me it's glandular fever. I've had glandular fever multiple times in my life. It's some kind of viral load that my body's trying to fight off and it's just gone too hard. For some people it could be, um, the flu. For some people could be chickenpox. For some people it could be a physical injury like a car accident. For some people it could be, um, like a injury, like it's just essentially something's happened to the body. The body's trying to fix itself and goes too hard In instance, like it's very it's not very common, it's very rare, but it's more common in people with MS, because MS the body creates the inflammation, tries to fight it. So they then did the testing and then about six, six months later I was diagnosed with MS. You have to have had multiple attacks to be officially diagnosed, but I have had the one attack and I have the banding that suggests that I do have it.
Rose:Yes, so moving forward. What does this mean with this diagnosis of having MS?
Ashleigh King:It's really unknown because it's so different. Every person experiences different and there's all different types of MS. There's like really fast progressing and slow progressing. I am not medicated because I've only had the one isolated attack and I don't really need it. Like I have no feeling in my left leg from just below the hip to the ankle, so that was in both legs. But while I was in hospital having the treatment my right leg kind of came back and then I had to learn to use it. So I've learnt to walk again on the numb leg.
Chrystal:So right now your leg is still numb? Yep, we would never know. I just thought that your feeling came, like you no there's no feeling.
Rose:This babe just comes waltzing in, I can feel goosebumps, which is really weird, I can feel goosebumps on the leg.
Ashleigh King:That's the only thing and I can feel my foot, which is very helpful for walking, because at the beginning I couldn't feel my foot and it was very bizarre.
Chrystal:Yeah.
Ashleigh King:But yeah, there's no feeling Wow.
Rose:Okay, and Ash is a dancer the official choreographer for. Jungle Body. So that's why I said at the start, I was like getting that sense of independence and identity. And then how did that all change for you within yourself? Yeah, having had that, you've gone into this, you know, I think when you're in a couple, in a relationship, you know you're together, you're healthy, you're young, you've got the rest of your life ahead of you. Like, how did that change your perspective on life? Well, we had got engaged like two weeks before.
Ashleigh King:So it was like the biggest shit show you could ever imagine. So it was going to be my 30th birthday on the 2nd of Feb and we'd planned Rosie had planned this like party, like dinner with all my friends. A chef was coming in, it's all I wanted, just a nice dinner with my friends. And then the day before that was meant to be the week after my birthday, the day before my actual birthday, we went into lockdown, like Perth had two lockdowns and one was the day before my 30th birthday and I had planned to propose two days after my birthday.
Ashleigh King:I had this big grand plan I'd hired a photographer, I'd booked the tickets to go out to Penguin Island, because when Rosie and I first got together, we sat on the bench in front of her house and you can see it. And we sat on the bench in front of her house and you can see it, and I was like, oh, penguins. I was like penguins mate for life. They present a rock to their loved one, and so I was like I'm going to present a rock to my penguin, like it was meant to be.
Ashleigh King:We're going to go, yeah, and I hard photograph everything, bloody lockdown. I was like are you fucking kidding me, like of all the weeks, what the hell? And so you had to cancel everything. And then I was really upset and Rosie thought it was because like my birthday was ruined. I was like I actually don't, she just didn't know.
Chrystal:I had all these plans.
Ashleigh King:And then I was like you know what I'm just gonna propose on my birthday? I'm just gonna do it on my 30th birthday. I couldn't think of anything better. I was like I'm gonna say I want to have a really nice dinner, let's get dressed up. So I did. We had a couple of bottles of champagne and proposed. So we were on this like high and we had a week of just the two of us and Kenzie in and out from her dad's, of just living in this like proposal bubble with no outside world. So it was this amazing high and then all of a sudden I can't walk.
Ashleigh King:I'm in hospital for four weeks. Like it was just like what the hell? Yeah. And it was yeah, I had those moments of like that's my job gone, because, like how can I do choreography? I can't even walk. Like what am I gonna do? I had moments of like I was a calisthenics coach. I was coaching two teams and I was at the time competing. I was had to pull out of everything. I just had this whole like this is my whole identity of me being active and and all these things.
Ashleigh King:That is gone but, I think it actually kind of, in a way, drove me like if I was just in an office job, or I think I just would have been like, yeah, okay, it's not the end of the world, but I was like I need this, I need to be moving, I'm not going to take no for an answer. I'm going to walk again.
Rose:There was just no question in your mind.
Ashleigh King:No, and there was no question in my mind that I would one day walk again. I didn't think it was, would be probably as quick as I had. And TM can be very aggressive and there's a lot of people that never walk again or or are paralysed from the neck down, like depending where your inflammation is, Um, and a lot of people that kind of give up. They get the diagnosis and they're like that's it, I'm in a wheelchair whereas I was like I'm not gonna.
Ashleigh King:I was, I was willing to accept it and I had said to Rosie I had this day where I was like I just need to look at the worst case scenario in the eye and be like I'm gonna be okay. So I was like do you know what? If I'm in a wheelchair, I'm gonna create a wheelchair workout and I'm gonna. I was like I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna be a disabled model. I had all these like things. I was like I just had to look at it and be like this is the worst case scenario for me. Okay, I can make that work. And from then on I was like I'm good, because if that's the worst case, I can do that so, ash, I just, I just love that like.
Rose:I find that so inspiring and I think this is the best, that this is what I always say, that, like, I find that so inspiring and I think this is the best, that this is what I always say, that this is the best that I am today. And what can I do with that? And I just, I was just sitting there going. That is just beautiful. I know it's not ideal, but the fact that you were already like, oh, I'm going to be a disabled model, I'm going to do you know, inclusive disabled workouts and things like that, and automatically your brain has gone to that best case scenario in the worst case, yeah, it really taught me to be really resilient.
Ashleigh King:I think I was already quite a resilient person, but I think it just kind of cemented that for me. And a lot of my friends and family were really struggling, rosie included. Rosie really struggled and fair enough, sometimes it's easier to be the person in it than the person helping. I think that with birth, I think you've got control, whereas the partner I can't imagine watching it unfold and the person you love the most being in so much pain and not being able to do anything. So it's the same thing. People will be like, oh, but Rosie wasn't even going through it. And I'm like, yeah, she was, and she wasn't even going through it. And I'm like, yeah, she was she and she had no control over it. She was like watching the love of her life maybe be in a wheelchair for the rest of the she just wanted to take it all away for you, but she you know?
Chrystal:yeah, I remember that conversation where she was like we live in a multi-story home. Like how is Ash going to get around in a wheelchair?
Ashleigh King:we live in the worst home for someone who's in a world and for the first few months because I was determined to get. Our bedroom is on the top level and we have even just to get in our house. There's concrete stairs so like they came out and put this big rail in and it was just the guy that got there, the OT. That was like, well, he'd have set up your house and he walked.
Chrystal:He was like the fuck your house is insane.
Ashleigh King:We were like, yeah, we're really settled on this house. But I literally for the first, the first week or so, we slept on the main level in the spare room. Just it was just easier. And then I was like I'm done, I need to get to my bed, I want to get back to normal, I need to learn how to navigate it, and so I would literally go up and down the stairs on my butt like I would hang this leg over and I would go. And then there was a time where Kenzie would only go downstairs on her butt, like she would copy me yeah but I was like I this I just have to do, you just have to.
Ashleigh King:There's no point me sitting here feeling sorry for myself, like miserable that I'm in a wheelchair, miserable that I've lost, because I'm like, yeah, I might have lost that, but look what I've gained. Like I've gained this resilience, this new lease on life. Like I was literally like I am so lucky, I'm so lucky to be alive. I'm so lucky that I can learn to walk again. I'm lucky that we have the financial means, that Rosie can be by my side the whole time and that I have the job that I have, that I can. I don't have to give up my job and we don't have money. I'm so lucky that there was an on-call radiographer.
Ashleigh King:I'm so lucky they knew what it was that I went to that hospital that I was straight, that I was straight on steroids. I was straight on this. Like I'm lucky that I've got family and my ex-husband I was so grateful he just stepped in and took Ken so we didn't have to worry about it Like I was. Like I'm all of a sudden have all this gratefulness for very little things that I wouldn't have had for this.
Rose:Yeah, you realise what's important in life as well. Absolutely this. Yeah, you realize what's important in life as well. Absolutely, it really shows through. I mean, I just think it's an incredible story. I mean it's something that you're gonna live with as well.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, um, but bring light around yeah, I joke about it all the time.
Rose:I think that's. Yeah, I'm humor, yeah humor is healing.
Ashleigh King:Yeah well, there's been times where we're in bed and Rosie's on my left and I look over and she's stroking my leg. I'm like have you been doing? Have you been doing that? Because I can't feel it. She's like oh, damn it. You're like I love that you're doing it. Or we've joked about getting like a full leg sleeve tattoo, because I'm like may as well.
Rose:I can do what I want to that leg, except I don't.
Ashleigh King:I always walk into things with this leg. Of course you do.
Chrystal:Do you Bruises on this leg? Yeah, I was going to say because you would just bump it and not realise.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, I actually recently had. My dog ran past me with this big rubber toy and it hit the vein at the front and the vein must have like popped. And so it was this huge egg bruise and Rosie was like do we need to go get that checked out? And I was like I can't feel it, we're good.
Chrystal:Well, it's things you've got to get used to but the um tickling of the leg is a pretty funny one. I do like that. Well, I think we're gonna start to wrap it up, but we've so loved having you, um, on the potty today. I feel like, if anything, people are going to get some sort of education from it, and I think one thing is like don't be afraid to ask questions.
Ashleigh King:If you're coming from a place of of general curiosity and love, I think it's never okay to ask about someone's genitals.
Rose:Yes, just in general. I mean, would you ask anyone so exactly?
Ashleigh King:yeah, yeah so it's not okay to ask that. I think it's not okay to ask like are you getting surgery or any of that, because that for that person can be such a topic, but other other than that like ask the questions If you're coming from a place of love and a place of curiosity.
Rose:that's all you can do, so like as could you give us like a little bit of advice? So for someone that maybe is listening, who might be interested in like we get this question a lot, interested in like we get this question a lot, I was telling you before we started, um, that people have asked and said, look, I'm interested in girls or I'm with, I have a partner, I'm with my husband at the moment, but I've, I feel, a longing that it's not I don't feel right and in the same way that you're saying, it's like not that I don't love them, but I don't feel yeah fulfilled.
Ashleigh King:I think sexual desires are. You know, for some people they're completely separate from their relationship and it's okay to acknowledge that. Communication with your partner is massive. I think you've got to have those conversations to be like, look, I have fantasized about women or I have. You know, I love you and I don't want us to end, but there is this longing because your partner might be okay with that. You know, there might be the opportunity for introducing another woman or having a separate playtime or, you know, hiring a professional to do that, whether it's in your relationship or separate. But if there's like, if you're not on the same page and they're like no, then that's going to be a little bit more tricky. I think that's when you have to have some really serious conversations with yourself about who you are and what you desire more um. But don't be afraid of it.
Ashleigh King:We created a group, facebook group, called girl meet, girl um, and we're just. This weekend is our first big meeting like meetups, picnics, sunset picnics all around Australia. I've got a Gold Coast one and a Perth one lovely, and it's not just we found we've got some really success stories of girls that have met on their own and now together. We've got one couple that just had a baby. Um, we've got people that are just looking for friendships. We've just got people that are just wanting to test the waters to be like do, am I?
Ashleigh King:is this something that I'm interested in? I think a lot of women have kind of shut it down, especially if they were quite bi-curious before they were in a relationship, and then they get in their relationship and they're like no, this is who I am. If you shut anything down, you're going to want it more, right. So, you've got to just look at it. Am I suppressing anything? Am I denying myself something that I really want or a part of myself that I really am?
Rose:So this is all around. There's different locations around the country. We will definitely put this in the show notes and like links to all the pages that they can get this information, but I think that is really beautiful and it's also a way, I suppose, of truly having a safe space where they don't have to worry if the other person is also curious as well with another female. They already know that that everybody is, and for some people, it's just that, like acknowledging it.
Ashleigh King:So acknowledging, oh shit, I'm gay or I'm bisexual. There's a lot of women that have come into the group and we always tell people just introduce yourself, just be like, hey, this is who I am, this is where I'm at in my journey. You don't have to be looking for someone, you don't have to be commenting on other people's, but just acknowledging there's. It's like a weight lifted off, like quite often we haven't told anybody that that's how we're feeling. So just being like, hey, I like women, I find them attractive, I want to be sexually involved. It's kind of like, oh, oh, that's out there, it's in a safe space, it's done Cool.
Chrystal:Yeah.
Rose:It's like cutting your hair. Yeah, it's releasing the weight.
Chrystal:Yeah. So to finish up, we know that you love a good potato.
Ashleigh King:I love potatoes.
Rose:And you're a bit of a foodie.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, I love food.
Rose:What is three things that you would do with a potato Straight away.
Chrystal:I went to the gutter, did you, I did, did you really With a potato?
Rose:Dirty gutter potato.
Chrystal:No, I'm interested.
Ashleigh King:Actually that's a. It's not a potato. But I went to our neighbours yesterday. She was signing Kenzie's passport forms and she's like I've started growing cucumbers and I was like okay, sure. And she's like here's a bag of these giant cucumbers. And I just laughed. And then I got home and Rosie's like maybe we could use them as a toy. And I was like, oh my God, what the hell no.
Chrystal:That's what your neighbour was thinking too. Like my three favourite potatoes.
Ashleigh King:Okay, so we went to this new restaurant the other night called Six Head in Elizabeth Quay and had these like I don't know what they call them, kind of like hash brown things. But fancy and they were covered in butter.
Rose:So good, um, so like hash brown, I love hash browns. Um, I love mashed potato.
Chrystal:Classic, classic oh, that's really hard. Come on potato. Are you a stuffed potato? I think I love a good stuffed potato.
Ashleigh King:I love a baked potato oh, actually I know what I want. Have you? Have you been to the Sunset Markets recently at Scarborough? And they do the spiral potatoes.
Rose:On the stick.
Ashleigh King:Yes, and they do. One that's got a sausage in the middle and then it's got cheese sauce. That's my favourite at the moment.
Chrystal:So it's like one of those spirally potatoes on a stick.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, but it's wrapped around a sausage and then it's got cheese sauce, and then it's got cheese sauce.
Chrystal:You have to go get one. All right, that sounds like a celiac's deathbed, but both of us, we'll risk it for the biscuit.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like I would you need to go try it.
Rose:It's so good. Oh God, potato. Actually, I had someone say that they don't like cheese.
Ashleigh King:Rosie doesn't like cheese. It's so weird.
Chrystal:Oh no.
Rose:I mean I'll go to the toilet like 16 times after but, I, don't care. It's a risk and a thing I'm willing to accept.
Ashleigh King:Yeah, I'm not willing to give up.
Chrystal:No Well, thank you so much for coming on the potty today. Again, we loved having you. Oh, my God, we talked to you all day.
Rose:I know. We actually said one hour and we went over, but that's fine and I feel like I haven't even like touched the surface. So sorry guys, like a 10 part, maybe this might be a part two coming soon.
Chrystal:Thank you so much Thank you.
Rose:We'll see you soon. Make sure that you always look after yourselves and look after each other. Bye, bye.