Female Friendships with Kristy, founder of FriendHer

Navigating the complex tapestry of female friendships, Kristy, the founder of FriendHer, joins us to unveil her journey of self-discovery, creating community, and coping with mental health. From battling addiction and escaping a toxic relationship to spearheading a beacon of sisterhood, her story isn't simply inspiring—it's a roadmap for cultivating deeply rooted connections. As we traverse the highs and lows of adult bonding, Kristy's experiences serve as a beacon for anyone looking to forge genuine friendships and a reminder that you are not alone.

Our conversation turns towards the digital realm, peeling back the layers of social media's hollow promise of connection. Kristy's insights into the authenticity of real-life social events illuminate the path to meaningful engagements. Meanwhile, we also grapple with setting boundaries, the emotional whirlpool of ending long-standing friendships and sifting through the red flags that can emerge in making new friends. It's a candid look at the evolution of companionship and the cultural nuances that shape our social worlds.

Wrapping up, we muse over the potential of guiding zombies towards veganism, a testament to our discussion's range – from poignant to playfully absurd. Yet, even as we joke, the core message remains steadfast: the essential elements of life – laughter, connection, community, and kindness – are the threads that weave the fabric of true friendship. Kristy's compelling story and entrepreneurial zest for nurturing bonds among women are not to be missed. Join us as Kristy bears it all with us, reminding you of the importance of friendships, owning your story and reminding us to hold fast to our connections and the shared human experience.
Find out more about Kristy and FriendHer here:
@friendher_

Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask the hard questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_

And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -

With Love Rose & Chrystal x

Transcript

Chrystal: 0:00

Welcome to another episode of Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal. Today we are talking about female friendships.

Rose Oates: 0:08

We are as human beings. I feel like we're so social, we're biologically hard-wired into being in relationships, in families, in communities and especially as females. We really long for that connection and that's why today we have the beautiful Christy, the founder of Friend Her, a community and business that runs events in both Queensland and WA for women to make friends, hi, thanks for having me girls.

Rose Oates: 0:39

Thanks for coming. We're really excited about today. This is a topic that I think so many people have asked about and have felt that they want to hear, because they want to hear that they're not alone in this situation. Female friendships can be hard.

Kristy - FriendHer: 0:55

Female friendships are so hard and I think we struggle with it through our whole entire child and adult life. I don't think it's something that we only come into when we're adults. I just think it's harder as adults.

Rose Oates: 1:07

I agree.

Chrystal: 1:09

So, to get started, we're gonna ask you about the story of how Friend Her started and how you've gone over the last two years.

Kristy - FriendHer: 1:20

We're gonna get deep pretty quick girls. The Friend, her story is deep. We love deep, I'm gonna go back well before two years.

Rose Oates: 1:31

Well, you should have said it. Definitely, I'm here for it, you like it deep.

Kristy - FriendHer: 1:35

We like it deep, real deep. Alright, so it goes back well past two years ago. So I originally am from Bumbree in Western Australia, grew up down there, always knew I didn't want to be a little small town girl. Mum always said I was gonna be the only child to leave home Like home, home like town. And I was. But before that I got into a relationship with someone and I found myself pretty quickly in a toxic relationship but also became a drug addict really quickly. I sat for three years, turned my whole family's life upside down and then found out I was pregnant with the guy who was really abusive, didn't want the baby, got clean. When I found out I was pregnant At just over three months, lost the baby, which was a blessing. In disguise I always say that baby gave its life up for mine and saved mine and my family's life and my relationship with my family.

Kristy - FriendHer: 2:45

It doesn't mean it was easy, no it wasn't easy but yeah, big, big turning point in my life, also in a domestic violent relationship which was really hard. So the result of that was to put my car on a truck and have my parents fly me to Darwin to get away from this relationship, and it was a blessing in disguise. I spent the next five years travelling Australia and really gained back who I was.

Rose Oates: 3:14

How old were you? If you don't mind me asking.

Kristy - FriendHer: 3:16

I was 23 when I started using and 26 when I got clean.

Rose Oates: 3:21

How old are you now?

Kristy - FriendHer: 3:22

32. Yeah, sorry, see, I moved to Darwin where it's really easy to make friends and I believe that's because it's touristy, there's so many backpackers, so it's just they always say it's really hard to find OGs in Darwin, like originals that have born and bred there. So I think the next five years travelling between Darwin or a little town named Yambour in New South Wales, and Brisbane, it was so easy to make friends, which was hard. When I moved back to Perth, which was really sudden, when Nan died and I didn't expect to move home, and then it wasn't going to be long term, but then COVID hit.

Rose Oates: 4:06

Okay, and then you got trapped in.

Kristy - FriendHer: 4:08

WA. Trapped in WA, which I mean wasn't the best place to get trapped. But it's not, but it is like a big isolated country town 100%, and it was traumatic for me like I hadn't when I'd come home to visit, like no one knew. I came home, I kept it really secret because of the gentleman that I'd been in a relationship with prior to leaving. I even went by a different name on social media so no one could find me.

Chrystal: 4:36

So was he trying to find you like.

Kristy - FriendHer: 4:39

Yeah, so his brother actually lived in Darwin and I remember one day him sending me a message saying I'm out the front of your apartment. He knew my address, had no idea how I knew my address. It was really scary and I'm really grateful for his sister because I messaged her and I was like is he in Darwin? She's like he's on my lounge, don't worry about it, babe, it's all good.

Rose Oates: 5:01

So were they aware as well of what was going on and what he was like.

Kristy - FriendHer: 5:05

So his sister to this day, like we're still taught and she actually did a podcast last year and spoke only briefly on this and about losing the baby and she's like, did you know? He told me that that was all a lie, like, so they all just assumed that it was all just a lie and coming from an addict and all of that stuff, and she was really sad when she found out the truth. Yeah, but I think they know he's known for it from previous relationships and one since me. So yeah, but yeah, it was really hard. And then moving back, like I've been diagnosed with PTSD since, or when I left WA, I was diagnosed with it. And then coming home, having all these triggers and reminders of this person and then being scared to go home to my family. I didn't have a home, I couldn't live anywhere. I was doing FIFO and staying with my mom. I was. It was a scary that the whole thing was really scary. And then no friends yep like I was completely alone.

Rose Oates: 6:03

Did you feel like as well that you were having to face all the things that you left behind but didn't completely deal with before you left?

Kristy - FriendHer: 6:11

100% and I wasn't prepared to face them like it was real sudden coming home and losing my Nan was like so you kind of thrown in the day pin.

Rose Oates: 6:20

When you got here you didn't really have a choice. You weren't planning on doing any of that, but you almost forced into it.

Kristy - FriendHer: 6:26

Yeah, I was definitely forced into it, as well as dealing with grief of losing my Nan and then facing that. And then, yeah, I started like going out when you could, thanks to COVID, and like asking girls for their numbers in the bathroom and all these things, and like they'd be like, literally, you know everyone's drunk and happy and friendly and they're like, yay, you know my number. You send them a message the next day and it's ghosted.

Rose Oates: 6:51

It was a constantly ghosted, drunk bathroom girls are the best people in the world, but we need to carry that out of the bathroom.

Kristy - FriendHer: 6:59

yeah, I think Definitely so. They went on for two years of not having a single friendship and meeting my current partner and having an anxious attachment to him which I've never been like that in a relationship.

Rose Oates: 7:15

Which probably leads us to our next question. So female friendships. Well, I mean, this is huge and I think all of us can agree and I think most women we really, really value and really yearn for really good female friends. Like you were saying, you held on to your partner even tighter because you didn't have that. But making friends as an adult, let alone as a female adult, but, let's say, as an adult, is really hard. It's not like when you're in freaking school, when you're like, hey, I'm Rose and I like your hair, and they're like want to be my best friend, like yeah, and they're like, okay, the date it's done, yeah, and I think that's also why a lot of us get attached to our childhood friendships or to our friendships that we make, and then we just stay stagnant in this little group and even though you grow apart sometimes in a beautiful way, not in a mean way you don't know how to make friends outside of that. So how did you overcome it?

Kristy - FriendHer: 8:18

I posted on the Facebook group and was like, how the fuck did we make friends as an adult? Like yeah. And then I got bombarded with responses from women feeling the same way and then, like I watched all these girls organize cat shops with each other and it was really disheartening because with most of us, when we're making a post right, you've gotten to a point that you're pretty broken.

Kristy - FriendHer: 8:41

You're publicly posting to make friends and these girls were like organizing coffee cat shops, turning up and being ghosted by women oh, actually did not know this was happening. I was like when the fuck did we start ghosting each other?

Chrystal: 8:54

like is it not bad enough? I thought there was a relationship thing that's tinder mate yeah, girls are way worse.

Kristy - FriendHer: 9:00

Like you follow these pages and you watch girls and you see them organize these meetups and then you see them post back in the group being like I can't believe. I'm so heart broken.

Rose Oates: 9:10

I've just been stood up at this coffee day now, do you think it's sometimes out of fear, so of?

Kristy - FriendHer: 9:15

both parties 95% of the time believe it's anxiety. Yeah, so the whole reason why I started doing paid events with friend her was because one, if you add a monetary value to it, you're more inclined to turn up right and secondly, if you're going to an event where you're not relying on any one person to be that person turning up, you go to whole group of women. You don't know if you got stood up, so you remove the anxiety that's true.

Rose Oates: 9:43

I love that.

Kristy - FriendHer: 9:44

Yeah, so true yeah, so that was the whole theory behind monetary valued events, mm-hmm such a clever idea, and this all started from a Facebook page. Facebook post, just a post on a group, and I was like this is shit.

Chrystal: 10:02

I do get foam. Every time I see one of your events I'm like should have bought a ticket to that they are fun that boat party recently they all look like besties.

Rose Oates: 10:11

I was like to these. Do these bitches know each other a lot? What's going on?

Kristy - FriendHer: 10:15

It's crazy and like 90% of the attendees, come on their own and don't know a single person.

Chrystal: 10:21

That's amazing yeah.

Kristy - FriendHer: 10:22

And the ones that come with someone they know always regret it because you stick with comfort. So, they don't go outside of their circle, they just hang out with the girl they came with. That's how we met at an event, but that's what we do now.

Chrystal: 10:34

Now I'm like Rose, come with me.

Kristy - FriendHer: 10:36

Yeah, so people really struggle to step outside of that comfort zone, which is, I mean, I get it.

Rose Oates: 10:41

But if I wouldn't have gone to that event and you wouldn't have gone to that event, we would have not have met each other and then maybe would not be doing this. That's exactly right, and this is what led to this four, four and a half years ago.

Kristy - FriendHer: 10:54

People are moments in your life, ladies.

Rose Oates: 10:56

Exactly, it's exciting 222. 444. You're on the right path, bitches. That's what 444 is.

Kristy - FriendHer: 11:05

We're a bit into angel numbers. Oh look, I'm all about it. I see 9-11 every single day for about the last five years.

Chrystal: 11:11

What does it mean?

Kristy - FriendHer: 11:11

What's 9-11? It means you need to make a drastic change in your life.

Chrystal: 11:14

Oh, so you're still making drastic changes.

Kristy - FriendHer: 11:18

I feel like I make them every day, but Baby.

Rose Oates: 11:20

I just watched the butterfly hatch out of a cocoon A cocoon, as my baby girl would say. It's a cocoon and it is something wild that, as an adult, I found it amazing, but I feel like that's what we are as females. We are constantly going through metamorphosis. Yeah, so we are constantly getting back in our cocoon, where we need to just have a moment to ourselves and be like bitch. Look me, let me just transform in silence and peace, and then we come out the other side and wear this beautiful butterfly and we're ready to share that with the world and our beauty and our you know everything You're just like resonated with me.

Rose Oates: 11:56

Are you in the cocoon right now?

Chrystal: 11:57

No, I'm out of the fucking cocoon. I was like I feel like you're out, babe, I'm only seeing you grow.

Kristy - FriendHer: 12:03

I love watching it on socials. It's incredible.

Rose Oates: 12:05

I'm just letting my wings dry. Right now I came out, but my wings you know how they got a rest. Okay, so you don't know anything about butterflies, but I now am a butterfly. So the butterfly comes out of its cocoon and it's wings dry for two hours and it's literally dripping like it's.

Rose Oates: 12:22

it's coming out and it's just, it's completely still. It's completely like. It has to be ready, like it has. It has no choice but to do this, like predators could come and get it, whatever, but it has to just dry and you have to give it that time. I am just coming out and my wings are drying. I have no choice but to sit and let them dry, because I can't do anything until it happens.

Kristy - FriendHer: 12:43

Oh, I love this though, so what are you?

Rose Oates: 12:44

are you there? Where are you? Are you the caterpillar? I'm in the cocoon. Yeah, yeah.

Kristy - FriendHer: 12:50

Watch this space. Some big things coming for my future.

Rose Oates: 12:54

The cocoon is actually truly beautiful. To be honest, it's actually green with gold.

Chrystal: 12:58

Maybe where some of the big things are like brewing oh, 100%, and where you have to go so inward.

Rose Oates: 13:05

Yeah, so take that time for yourself and I love that you've been raw and vulnerable with us. That said as well, you were saying that you put this post on social media and we are more connected than ever before, apparently, with social media, with our phones. We apparently have all these channels of communication, all this access to millions of people, to other people, yet people are so disconnected more than ever, and especially women. I know from my own platform and I think Crystal can agree with me here that so many women have reached out and say I don't have that village, I don't have a community, I'm intensely lonely.

Rose Oates: 13:52

And am I the only one without friends, like some people are, like I don't even have a best friend and I'm embarrassed, and I'm embarrassed that I don't know who my close friends are. Or, like we were saying before, sometimes you've had a group of friends and you've kind of outgrown them. You still love them, they'll still always be loved, but they're not in the same stage of life as you are at the time. Like, how do you feel about this? Have you ever gone down the rabbit hole yourself of being in there? I'm so connected. I talk to this person on socials and this person, but not connected at all.

Kristy - FriendHer: 14:26

So I have this really big view on this and we could talk about this for days, but I think that we are more connected with than we've ever been digitally, but in person we are more disconnected than we've ever been in our whole entire life. I don't know how many times you've gone to a restaurant and watch people sitting there and they're on their phones across from each other, yep. And I might put your fucking phone down.

Rose Oates: 14:51

Yeah, it actually makes me cringe.

Kristy - FriendHer: 14:54

Yeah, there's this study out around. We suffer more anxiety now than we ever have in our life, and the reason why is because the brain doesn't understand words, but the brain understands environments and actions. So when we put ourselves in a room where we got a phone, you're not around people, you're around your phone. So although you're talking to people, you're not actually around people. So then when you go around people, your body's like this isn't fucking normal, like I'm really anxious to get me out of here. You're used to being in a room with a phone.

Kristy - FriendHer: 15:26

So this feels safe, and so they say that the way we get over social anxiety is to push ourselves outside our boundaries and be around people.

Rose Oates: 15:34

Yep.

Kristy - FriendHer: 15:35

And that's how your brain starts to understand that language, because it doesn't understand words. You can tell yourself I'm not anxious, I'm not anxious, you're not doing yourself any fucking good.

Rose Oates: 15:42

Yeah, You're probably making yourself more anxious. That's true. The more you try to tell yourself you're not anxious, the more you're like.

Chrystal: 15:49

I've just realized I've gone to events before and not known people, and I've gone in with my phone ready because if no one makes any contact with me, I'm going to go to my phone. I pretend that you're like I got friends.

Rose Oates: 16:00

I know someone's messaged me, Then I don't look like I'm feeling anxious.

Chrystal: 16:03

I lock yes.

Kristy - FriendHer: 16:04

You think about when we were going out, we didn't have phones.

Rose Oates: 16:06

That's right.

Kristy - FriendHer: 16:06

You had to talk to people.

Rose Oates: 16:08

How about sitting on the train?

Rose Oates: 16:09

Have a look, have a look Like their ear things and their phone One day I forgot my phone when I was sitting on the train and I felt super uncomfortable. I had to sit there and watch the world and I had to just sit in my own space because I didn't have a book, because it was on my phone and I didn't get to text someone and I didn't get to scroll mindlessly through social media and I had to just be like, but you know what? It was kind of relaxing.

Kristy - FriendHer: 16:35

And so we're talking earlier before we started the show around how we're all feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. Yeah, we all have businesses that rely on social media, right, exactly. But you think about, we're just constantly on our phone and you're not actually like spending quality time with yourself or with the people that you care about, because you're spending so much of that time on your phone doing things that are actually like you're going to go to your death bed one day and not remember that.

Rose Oates: 16:59

Yeah.

Chrystal: 17:00

But I get really frustrated on this subject because we are closed Sunday, monday, right Without fail. Yesterday I was receiving phone calls till eight o'clock at night and it's like people don't get that you need to switch off from your business, like it is closed for a reason, 100%, and it's like this one person yesterday called three times until I answered and I had to say I'm sorry, but we are actually closed today.

Rose Oates: 17:27

That's right.

Rose Oates: 17:28

Respecting boundaries, yeah, and that's also important in friendships. Like and I think that's a really good point that you're making they rung and rung and rung because you should be attached to your phone now and that's a comfort thing for them, for everyone. I think as well, I'm guilty of it too, but also that's not respecting boundaries and that's important in friendships as well, yeah, so how does someone that is feeling like this at the moment overcome this? How do they put themselves out there and, to be honest with you, what's actually even normal People's, I think? Sometimes they see friendships and they romance, romanticize romanticize them.

Rose Oates: 18:12

Something that's off the movies, like Sex in the City, shit like that.

Kristy - FriendHer: 18:17

Look, I think Sex in the City is a great way of looking at friendships, right, because they're pretty open and honest with each other and they're themselves. They don't judge each other. You've got one who's a loves going out and having sex. You've got one who wants to get married and have a family Like. They're great. So you do see the good and the bad in the friendships. I think people that sit at home and romanticize these things need to understand that they're going to be loved by someone where, but you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, so expect to go out there. It's the same as dating, right? You're going to go out there and you're going to find someone that you don't like, or you're going to find someone you do like. It's exactly the same in friendships.

Chrystal: 18:56

We have this conversation all the time, yeah, especially with her. I'm like you're not always going to be loved by somebody Same with me, like somebody's going to hate me and someone's going to love me.

Kristy - FriendHer: 19:04

Yeah, and I always say to people back to what you were saying before about what can people do yes, I'm not saying you need to come to a friend here event. I'm saying go to an event, come to a friend event, you're all welcome. We would love to have you. But put yourself out of your comfort zone and I always put it in an email before the event, like things like what I'm gonna wear. So cuz we all overthink that, right, you don't want to have more anxiety than you need. But the other thing I say to people is you know what you think people are thinking of you. What's making you anxious? Do you think that about them?

Kristy - FriendHer: 19:39

That's oh my god, Rose must think I'm fucking like this evil bitch. Have you ever thought that about someone like?

Rose Oates: 19:46

that's true. That's what I say about bodies on the beach. Yeah, I was like we see these people in their bikinis, in their thongs and all of that, and all I've ever thought is Heck, I'd love to have the confidence to wear that. Jay, she looks hot.

Rose Oates: 19:59

Yeah and all their thinking is oh, my god, my thighs, my fellow, you like my this, my that, and I'm sitting on the beach, judging myself, not her Judging myself, because we're so, but like we are kind of self-absorbed like that, yeah, I think Exactly what you're saying like Everybody is thinking about themselves, yeah, and not necessarily judging others.

Kristy - FriendHer: 20:21

And the other thing of that is, if you do have a bad experience, just remember that that's a reflection of that person and not of you, and that's them trying to do their own healing. Like you're gonna have those experiences in life.

Rose Oates: 20:33

Yeah, that is so true and I think, like especially what we've been hearing, is you. We can't keep comparing ourselves. That's another thing. With social media and our phones, I think it's so easy to get online and I said it today in a story. I just said 90% of what you say. I don't know if those stats are correct. I Just said 90% of what you see online. What you see online, isn't even real. Yeah, you're seeing 15 seconds of that person's life, 15 seconds of what they choose to share with you. So you know, a lot of the times we're saying, oh, she's at an event, she's wearing a beautiful outfit or she's with her friends all the time. That is a snippet.

Kristy - FriendHer: 21:15

It is not the whole story me putting up that post recently around me recently being diagnosed with depression. Do you know? People in the world had no idea because of course, they're seeing what they're seeing on social media and I'm telling you now, my life is not what you're seeing on social media. I do use my platform for good in places that I can and speaking up about my depression, but I'm telling you now, that is not my life.

Rose Oates: 21:39

I love. I love that you said that, because I think that's what's really important with the friendship situation is that we don't compare ourselves and we don't think, oh my god, I'm the only one that doesn't have friends or I'm the only one that doesn't have, like a community or a village. I think so many people are in that same boat. Yeah, and as adults with families and relationships and our husband, it's hard like friendships are quite different than when we were teenagers.

Kristy - FriendHer: 22:06

They are hundred percent and I think they need to be. So we talk around Friendships that you hang on to, right, we might have met a boy right when we were 16, 17, 18, in your 20s, and you aren't with that boy anymore because you outgrow each other, because you start to have different paths in life, different goals. It's the same with friendships and, after traveling Australia for five years, I think WA is probably the worst at doing it, because we don't leave as much but we don't travel as much. We're quite often stuck here. Most people start families quite young, or I don't know. I don't know what it is about Perth, I don't know if it's the mining life as well that brings, but people move here. So then these women, you know, they settle here with their partners rather than ever getting up and leaving and traveling, whereas all the other states or territories Travel so much more and it's easier, like it's expensive, to travel out of WA.

Rose Oates: 22:58

It is.

Kristy - FriendHer: 22:59

I don't think people realize yeah and so I don't know, I just don't think we have as much tourism, we don't travel as much, so people just get really get stuck here and they hang on to their high school friendships.

Chrystal: 23:10

Look, recently I did touch face of the Recently on this. So I had a friend for 19 years, yeah, and after my dad's death I realized how toxic that relationship was for me and if my dad had not passed away I would probably still be friends with this person. Yeah, like I didn't realize Things that she was were doing prior, but definitely after I was like wow, no, I can't have this anymore and so many people don't know how to Be okay with letting go of some friendships.

Kristy - FriendHer: 23:45

So I say it to people all time. I'm like it doesn't have to be done in a nasty way, but you can distance yourself from people that are no longer your people?

Chrystal: 23:52

Yeah, you do it in a relationship. Why wouldn't you do it with your friends? I definitely was not mean to her. I just exactly explained why. Yeah, I think she's still having a really hard time coming to terms with it. Yeah, and that's okay as well.

Kristy - FriendHer: 24:07

It's grief, though, like we grieve friendships, like we grieve relationships, like romantic relationships or even death mm-hmm yep, and Get so many girls that come to our events that really are struggling with that, or they're doing what you've done and they're like, okay, I've had to remove myself and they remove themselves from one friend, but that means removing themselves from a whole circle of friends that they maybe weren't willing to to lose, but that was what came, part of the price, yeah mm-hmm, I feel like we talked about this again before we started as well.

Rose Oates: 24:39

like I think, as a female, losing a friend or a good friend or someone like that's been in your life for so many years, it genuinely feels as bad as a breakup an actual, like you know, loving, romantic breakup. It feels so Awful. And also I can completely relate with how hard it can be to let go of friendships, because I Even know and I'll be completely honest here I've got people in my life that I am still Friends with because of history, yeah, and not because it works anymore, yeah, I find that really hard to say, but I have to be honest that that is because I'm still trying to overcome being a bit of a people pleaser, yeah, and I like being liked. I.

Kristy - FriendHer: 25:29

Think everyone likes being like yeah, and I think. I think all humans are people pleasers, right? I think, just different level of it, and I think as you get older and the more you experience, the easier it becomes to set boundaries for yourself, so like.

Kristy - FriendHer: 25:44

I'm currently going to tolerate yeah like I'm currently going through it now, where Friends that I've made in the last two years, like I have a whole community of women right and everyone's like she must have so many friends, and I'm like I went through something really drastic at the beginning of this year and it really wrecked me and the people that I thought were going to be there for me completely turn their back on me.

Kristy - FriendHer: 26:04

Yeah and that's been something. It was a blessing in disguise, because it reminded me to put boundaries in place with other friendships, and Since then I've now got like a couple of really beautiful friends and there's no what's the word? There's no expectation of constantly like one. I don't have time to message you every day. Stop asking me to message you every day One.

Chrystal: 26:29

I'm a messenger.

Kristy - FriendHer: 26:31

But understand if they're not Understanding, they're not reaching out to you. One, they're probably busy. Or two, maybe to see if they're okay, cause, like I sure as hell haven't been okay this year and up until I spoke up and sat on a public forum that I was depressed, no one fucking knew Like it was. It's mind blowing the amount of pressure that we put on each other as friends and so understanding that a life is a busy, there's no like we still love each other. Like, just be fucking kind and stop being the messed up thing is that.

Rose Oates: 27:07

I'm a Maria.

Chrystal: 27:08

That sometimes you have to go through something super traumatic to realize that those friendships are not for you anymore. Yeah, oh definitely.

Kristy - FriendHer: 27:17

But I was like I'm doing actions, cause I might have got Italian in me, so I have to speak my words.

Rose Oates: 27:22

I was like sorry guys. I was like yes, I was basically saying yes, yes, I totally agree, crystal.

Chrystal: 27:27

But it's weird because I feel like my friendship with you got stronger after dad's death, Like I knew you before dad's death, you knew dad Afterwards. I was like she actually gets me.

Rose Oates: 27:40

It can bring out the best as well.

Kristy - FriendHer: 27:41

I shared a thing on my story just before. Actually it was like six things I've learned about making friends as an adult and I can't really remember exactly what it said, but there was like the points you know. It was something like the friendships you make in your 30s will be more meaningful than the friendships you made in your childhood. That's true. And then they go on about the reasons why and I was like they're fucking true, like they're really true, and I think it's more because when we're in our 30s we know who we are right, or we've at least figured out most of our shit. You know what you're willing to tolerate and you know what you're looking for in a friendship. I say that we should understand our friends' love language just as much as we should learn a partner's love language.

Rose Oates: 28:20

We are big on love language. We were talking about this a lot when we're in the salon as well. That yours is words of affirmation, Crystal, and gift giving. And people think, oh, gift giving, but it's the way she likes to give a gift, Like her thought for that person is massive. And so then when we went to give her a present for her birthday, we're like she has everything. Can we just like she wants it. She's gone and brought herself. She's a professional shopaholic.

Rose Oates: 28:51

That's just the way it is, but I was like we need to get her a gift because even though she's got everything, it's gonna be important that we've made that effort to go and get her something and really think outside of the box, and we hope you felt that.

Kristy - FriendHer: 29:09

But, it is oh I wanna know what you got.

Chrystal: 29:11

I got Louis Vuitton earrings.

Kristy - FriendHer: 29:12

Oh, and do you know what?

Chrystal: 29:13

I would never buy myself expensive earrings because I lose shit and I don't appreciate shit. I buy for myself, but I've like. These are in my safe at home.

Kristy - FriendHer: 29:23

Oh.

Chrystal: 29:23

I love these. I'm like they're so important to me oh yeah, I swear this has got such a special meaning to you. Yeah, and I'm like, when I'm wearing them, I'm like, oh, do you reckon that they're both there?

Rose Oates: 29:33

Yeah, I love that. Yeah, because if it's yourself, how about you? What's your love?

Kristy - FriendHer: 29:35

language. So mine's acts of service, to receive acts of service and then words of affirmation and yeah, like acts of service for me is, I think, new, though Like I don't think it used to be that way. But since, like working full time, running friend to her, being a partner, having step kids, like I don't have a lot of time, I think love language has changed over your life as well so and that's totally normal as well.

Rose Oates: 30:00

So you sort of got to keep as we evolve.

Kristy - FriendHer: 30:02

I'm gonna cook on.

Rose Oates: 30:05

As we evolve, we learn that our love language mine, I think has always been acts of service, and it's also words of affirmation Wow.

Rose Oates: 30:15

But I didn't know that. I knew it was acts of service, always because I feel that I like to do it for other people. So I love when someone does something for me, even if it's as something is choosing a really cool card that says something goofy that would suit me. But words of affirmation, I think was crystal that made me think about it. Yeah, I'm like, why words of affirmation? I was like, actually I think I need it, my inner child needs it.

Chrystal: 30:43

I feel like you sometimes need reassurance.

Rose Oates: 30:46

Yes, because I've never had it.

Chrystal: 30:48

That's big Like. I feel like you know what you're doing all the time and I just need to just reassure you.

Rose Oates: 30:54

you're doing the right thing, yeah my anxiety can definitely get the best of me and I question myself and I have this big imposter syndrome. I'm working on it, but she's still there and sometimes she gets heavy. And I think as a kid I was never. They always looked at me like, oh, rizan's fine, she's fine, she's always happy, she's fine. And so I never received it and I never knew that I needed it.

Kristy - FriendHer: 31:19

I love this about you two because talking about like friendships, use of main you used to like literally great friends, like you can see it that the fact that you know each other is love language. I say to girls all the time what's your friends love language? You're like what the fuck's that? What do you mean? Go do the test, like get online, do the test. What?

Rose Oates: 31:36

do you friend about it? Do it for yourself, yeah, so not only for your partner. Stuff your partner. You love him anyway Her whoever that is, but do it for yourself. What is your? How do you like to give?

Chrystal: 31:49

love is often what your love language is yeah, yeah, so yeah, so we had a little bit of a like we want to know what are your red flags for friendship and what are your green flags.

Kristy - FriendHer: 32:04

So red flags for a friendship, I believe, are someone who talks badly about another friend and names them. So I think you're allowed to vent about friendships, but you shouldn't make it obvious who you're venting about, cause we're allowed to vent right, you got to vent but I think when you name someone, your intention is no longer to vent, your intention is to drag them down.

Chrystal: 32:28

Yes.

Kristy - FriendHer: 32:29

And shame. Yeah yeah, so that's my biggest red flag. I actually experienced it last year between true girls that I was like kind of just starting to meet. They knew each other. One told me that she'd had a falling out with someone and that she was struggling with it and she didn't want it to affect my birthday so she wasn't going to come anymore. The other one told me the same thing, but named the person and then made a huge deal about it and then told me I couldn't be friends with her.

Rose Oates: 32:58

Oh, and I was like Sure.

Chrystal: 33:01

That's a big red flag.

Kristy - FriendHer: 33:02

Yeah, I think some other stuff happened from that. But I knew at that moment like, oh, she's a red flag and I'm just getting to know this girl Not really sure she's someone I want in my life.

Chrystal: 33:10

So what's your red flag, Grace?

Rose Oates: 33:13

Oh, we talked about this before. My red flag is a friend, that they want you to do well and they're happy for you, as long as you're not doing better than them. Yeah, and it's really hard. It's a hard pill to swallow, like as long as you're equal, we're all cool, soon as they think. And I mean and I'm really mean that as soon as they think or perceive that you may, in their own mind, be doing better than you, then it's radio silence or the people that are last to congratulate you when you genuinely they know that you would be so damn proud of yourself, the last person that you hear off. And that's been something that I've experienced and something that it's a wake up call you need to look at that and go you don't need it every day.

Rose Oates: 34:00

You don't need someone going well done girl. You're tied to shoes. You look great. You don't need that. It's the important thing. It's those real life changing moments that you know you expect a friend to go. Oh my God, I'm so excited for you. You had a business milestone. I'm proud to hear that. Or a congratulations, or on those big life moments. It doesn't have to be every day, but I think that's a huge red flag for me.

Chrystal: 34:24

Do you know what you actually shared? Something like? I think it was recently.

Rose Oates: 34:28

I was commenting on it.

Chrystal: 34:30

It was like your biggest supporters are like sometimes your Instagram circle, and not the people that you your family or friends Like. I resonate with that because I'm like there's no point trying to sell hair extensions to your family because they're never gonna buy from you but yeah, your Instagram support is way bigger sometimes.

Kristy - FriendHer: 34:50

Well, I mean, look at my relationship with you. It's like up until I mean the max marketing Christmas party, our relationship was just social media based and supporting each other. Like fuck yeah, you're doing great Commenting on your stories, like commenting on your posts, like cheering you on for starting Hailey hair.

Chrystal: 35:05

Like just apps.

Kristy - FriendHer: 35:06

And I didn't know you from Barra soap, no, but after that Christmas party we almost all backwards through a table.

Rose Oates: 35:11

That was a fun night.

Kristy - FriendHer: 35:15

And I had to chase Rose around the whole night to kill her.

Rose Oates: 35:17

Rose was out.

Chrystal: 35:19

I was like Rose where the F is your handbag. Again, I don't know, I don't know. I want a dance combo.

Kristy - FriendHer: 35:24

I did not know how my dance move is a shit. Are they, though? Are they? I think I won because I got everyone on the dance floor. That's exactly right. Wait was there a dance called yeah. I won $100 crown voucher for that shit.

Rose Oates: 35:35

How did I miss that? I would have slayed you. Where was?

Chrystal: 35:39

I, you were too busy doing your air guitar.

Kristy - FriendHer: 35:43

I think I was like dancing with you.

Rose Oates: 35:44

It was just because I was like get on the dance floor everybody, and that's another thing. We love you.

Kristy - FriendHer: 35:50

That's why, friend her has such a beautiful community.

Rose Oates: 35:53

Also, can you give us you're in Queensland as well? I'm in Queensland, okay, Sorry, just for anyone listening out there. It's in WA and Queensland at the moment.

Kristy - FriendHer: 36:05

Who knows where she's gone. Watch this space. There's some big things coming in March Very, very big Woo. Yeah, any secrets. I assume Think of the other gender, wow yeah.

Rose Oates: 36:17

I did read that today. Literally I was reading a book by Maggie Dent. Can you tell my age? Love?

Kristy - FriendHer: 36:23

you.

Rose Oates: 36:23

Maggie, I would love you on the show one day. We would love that. But she was saying, because I was reading, I've got a book. What is it Girlhood? I've obviously Mum of Four Girls, and they were saying that it's hard for women to make friends. But it's actually really hard for males, really hard.

Kristy - FriendHer: 36:41

Yeah, 100%, because I mean there's always there's that big talk around like it's weak to speak and it's usually men that are struggling with it, right, more than anything. So there's not really a lot of communities out there for men, and it's something I get a lot of feedback from people. I get lots of messages about it. Girlhood's been like my partner needs something like this, you know. And there's incredible communities out there now, like you've got Chilly Willys, you've got Mingle, but they're all more based around doing like your healing stuff. And there's guys that are like well, I want to go and do fun stuff too. Like look at your boat party, I want to go to a boat party. Yeah, I just want to play golf.

Rose Oates: 37:19

I want to go buddy.

Kristy - FriendHer: 37:20

This was like the big thing around. I've been wanting to do it for a while but navigating how to do it for men, right, because they're different, they're wide differently. Alcohol can create different emotions in men, then women, so I was trying to navigate what I can do. I'm going to do golf days. I'm going to do poker nights. That is so much fun and you know my uncle.

Chrystal: 37:41

He lives in Katanning and they have a men's shed and they go and do woodwork and all sorts. And anyways, one day I was just having like a mental breakdown over dad and I give this uncle call and he's like call me, three am, I'll answer the phone. I was saying how like I would love to do something for men. So like, if you're going to do this man, I'll help, because that is so important to me after losing dad.

Chrystal: 38:06

Like I know he had friends, but he it's still like opening up those conversations with a group of men and being like it's okay to chat about your feelings.

Kristy - FriendHer: 38:16

Like doesn't make you womanly, and it's also okay to again cut off ties with friends that aren't giving you what you need. And men struggle with that more than women do, because they're so stuck in their ways from their high school friendships and then they don't talk like we do, they probably don't have emotional breakdowns like we do like to their friends, and they probably don't know how to cut ties because it's hard like I genuinely think it would be harder for men than it is for women to connect.

Rose Oates: 38:44

Yeah, it is.

Kristy - FriendHer: 38:45

Yeah, so yeah, that's there you go. It's not a secret anymore.

Rose Oates: 38:50

Watch this space. I love that you're so open about it. Now. You were also really open with your own mental health struggles. I don't know why I'm finding it hard to say that Earlier this year and in your past and you've been recently diagnosed with depression how long did it take you to actually seek help?

Kristy - FriendHer: 39:16

I've probably known for 12 months. Something wasn't fine and then it took to the point where I was running one day and was looking for a piece of rope and that was like the moment where I was like, oh, I've got to make change. So it was hard. It was really hard, like I've lost so many people to suicide, to so to be in that headspace and to not like get no how to get myself out of it. Like it was really hard and, to be honest, I don't feel any better at the moment.

Rose Oates: 39:47

I was just going to say how are you really doing? Now?

Kristy - FriendHer: 39:50

I'm probably right now I'm at the worst place I've ever been in my life, worse than when I was a drug addict, and that's like hard, really hard.

Chrystal: 40:01

That's like super hard for me to hear and but also I applaud you because coming on a podcast when you're, when you're not in a good place, that's also hard. I don't know if I do I was starting to do it, but you having this, this conversation right now, and us going to air it is actually going to help somebody that's in the same boat.

Kristy - FriendHer: 40:25

Yeah, so I'm really big on probably falls back to me when I was an addict. So there was no support for my family because no one spoke about it. It was like a big taboo. So from the moment of me getting clean I was like I'm going to change that, like I'm going to speak up about my struggles because if I can give one family hope or one addict hope that it does get better, like to be who I was then, to be who I am now see what I've done with my life like I'm fucking proud of that and to now be struggling To hear your story to witness it.

Kristy - FriendHer: 41:02

Oh, thanks, girls, but yeah, and then. So I always knew I wanted to use my platform with friend her for good. Like I work full time, I don't make any profit from friend her and I always knew that. Hence the relationship with worthy Australia and beyond DV and donating our profits to them. It's really close to me. So then, when I found, when I probably admitted that I was depressed, I was so alone in that and I don't know why I thought being vulnerable would be the worst thing in the world for me to do, because the moment I spoke up like I got surrounded by love and friend her started because I was vulnerable and fucking spoke up. So I'm now determined that and I know this and I've always said it that I'm going to continue to use my platform for good, even if it means talking about things that are hard for me to talk about.

Rose Oates: 41:52

This is exactly why we started bearing it all. Yeah, and I love that you shared that and it's actually really hard for me to hear, but I think we actually need to stop shielding ourselves from things that are hard to hear. Yeah, I think as well, because me and Crystal were on the phone for like a quick chat 25 minutes ago and we were talking about things that are hard for men, for us as women, and the fact that we hide it from people.

Rose Oates: 42:20

The more we hide things from people, the more we make it to boo yeah, and these are things that people go through within their life.

Kristy - FriendHer: 42:28

Yeah, and the thing is to think that you're the only one going through it and to think that you're alone, like that's really really scary place to be, and I think if more people spoke up about it, the less alone we would feel in it we'd feel less isolated.

Kristy - FriendHer: 42:42

Yep, I recently did a like we do women's circles sometimes and Grace from Essence, grace and Yoga who helped run it she was talking about this whole village. You know how we start villages. We used to do ceremonial circles. We don't do them anymore, right, and we started bringing them back into our lives. But women, that's a place for women to share. It's a place for men to share in men's circles as well. And I always say to girls when they come, they never expect themselves to cry, they don't know what they're going to get, they haven't been to them before and like this is what it used to be like before. We hid behind technology, before we got too scared to speak before women because you know, we used to not have to work full time. Most of them stayed at home, so they still didn't speak, but they just did it from home. Now we are expected to be a worker, a mum, a friend, a daughter. You know all of these things and then expect it to be tough, as fucks are at all.

Chrystal: 43:39

Mm. Hmm, the expectations yeah.

Rose Oates: 43:41

Yeah, that's exactly right. Like I think, actually my dad said this to me and I was really shocked because I come from like a Italian background, and he said you know, back when your mum and my mum were growing up, it was easier and I was like, well, I was like dad's giving me credit. He's like you women work, raise a family, have maybe a business. You're expected to look good, use a working out.

Rose Oates: 44:08

you know you're pleasuring, you know yourself and your husband, but you feel like those pressures of doing it all, because we are often presented that now it's not just a housewife thing, we have to have a career, we have to have everything, and I've said this a million times you can have it all, just not necessarily all at once.

Kristy - FriendHer: 44:28

Yeah, I agree.

Rose Oates: 44:29

And coming back to the butterfly, which I don't know why the cocoon I feel like it's perfect for today.

Kristy - FriendHer: 44:36

Yeah, I agree.

Rose Oates: 44:36

Maybe because you know at the moment you are 100% in your cocoon and you need to be in there. But that cocoon is vulnerable.

Kristy - FriendHer: 44:44

It's vulnerable and I'm learning a lot in it. I'm learning a lot about who I am, what I'm willing to accept from people and who my real friends are.

Rose Oates: 44:54

You need to go inwards and take that time, and I'm using it as that metaphor but like that cocoon is sitting in the wind, just trusting that it is going to be okay, hanging from this leaf while it is going through that transformation.

Chrystal: 45:07

But you know what to while you're in that cocoon, don't let it be dark, like let the light in too. That's like really important for me because, yes, you might be feeling those like super dark times, but also like let the light of love surround you.

Kristy - FriendHer: 45:28

Yeah, yeah, trust is a big thing and I think at the moment I feel like the only person I can trust is myself, which is hard right, really hard. And when I say that I can trust my mom, I can trust my family, I know I can, but like within my current, like really immediate circle that I see regularly, like my family live down south, there are things that I haven't told anyone, absolutely no one, and I've spoke to a girlfriend about something the day and she went how long has this been going on for Like why haven't you spoken to me about it?

Kristy - FriendHer: 46:04

And I was like because do you know what I was like? I don't know who I can trust to keep it to themselves or to not use it against me.

Rose Oates: 46:12

And that's another thing. With friendships as well, I think sometimes it's hard, but if you don't let the light in, like Crystal was saying, and you have to put your heart on the line, and you do have to trust. As much as you might've been hurt in the past, if you don't allow yourself to try again and trust, then that's all a part of healing too.

Kristy - FriendHer: 46:35

Yeah, 100%.

Rose Oates: 46:36

Definitely feel. I feel you on that. I definitely have come a long way myself in trusting people, but I'm still working on it because I always feel like I'm going to get let down. And so there's nothing wrong with trusting yourself because, realistically, sometimes we don't know that we've never trusted ourselves and we've never trusted our own voice. So that's important, but actually allowing others in again and trusting them too is huge.

Kristy - FriendHer: 47:07

Yeah, it felt pretty powerful on the weekend talking to my friend.

Chrystal: 47:11

I touched base on this last week about your intuition. You know when, like, your intuition is actually screaming at you but you're not listening. I said this to Rose. I was like my intuition is just telling me this thing and I'm not like do I listen to it? But it's like screaming at me and what did I tell you?

Rose Oates: 47:29

I was like every time you haven't trusted your gut it bites you in the air.

Kristy - FriendHer: 47:34

Yeah, I agree 100%.

Rose Oates: 47:36

Yeah, I find, like your mind and the back of your mind, you always know, you've always known the answer, but you're too scared to ask yourself the question.

Kristy - FriendHer: 47:46

Or your people pleasing. Yeah, or because it feels nice to be liked guys, it does and it feels bad to hurt other people.

Rose Oates: 47:53

Yeah, because we're human At our core. We actually wanna be liked. There's nothing wrong with that, like you said.

Kristy - FriendHer: 48:00

Yeah yeah, just gotta remember to do it in a healthy way that doesn't impact us. That's true.

Chrystal: 48:05

Let's talk about green flags for friendships.

Kristy - FriendHer: 48:09

Green flags are people you can tell your shit to and they're gonna love you no matter what. Yes, 100% like and I'm talking not just your shit, but things that maybe they don't agree with in your life. Like if you can tell a friend something and they 100% don't like it, but they still love you and support you. That is a good friend, that's rose for me.

Chrystal: 48:29

No.

Rose Oates: 48:29

I feel the same about you.

Chrystal: 48:30

Yeah.

Rose Oates: 48:31

We don't have to agree, but we also. That doesn't make or break our friendship. That shouldn't make or break your friendship.

Kristy - FriendHer: 48:38

I also think if you don't feel like you can have a difficult conversation with a friend, they're not a friend.

Chrystal: 48:43

Yeah, and my green flag is that you do this all the time with me. She will know something's wrong with me without me even having to open my mouth. I love that Like. If you can read your friend like that, she'll be like okay, what's going on? Yeah, You're off and I'm like, oh, my girlfriend Lacey.

Kristy - FriendHer: 49:05

I'm gonna give her a shout out because she's fucking amazing and I love her and she has social mums, which is another community for women. She sent me a message last week so she's not even in my energy and she sent me a message and I was really struggling that day.

Kristy - FriendHer: 49:18

And she just sent me a message saying I don't know why, I feel like I need to send you this message, but I love you in a non-lesbian way and I was like thanks for making it light. But she had no idea Like that simple message at that time was like exactly what I needed.

Rose Oates: 49:33

Followed her gut.

Kristy - FriendHer: 49:34

Yep, 100%. That was her intuition.

Rose Oates: 49:35

Yeah.

Kristy - FriendHer: 49:37

She's a fucking amazing friend.

Chrystal: 49:39

Really grateful for her. Yeah, that's a good friend. Yeah, it's a great friend when they can read you and they're not even in the world.

Kristy - FriendHer: 49:46

She's like 40 minutes north of me. She's picking my energy from somewhere that's telepathic.

Rose Oates: 49:51

She's listening to her gut she is yeah.

Rose Oates: 49:55

Oh, my green flag. It's honestly, yeah, just being trying like to actually be able to be vulnerable with someone and not feel like you're judged, and not when you're having a hard day and you go, how are you? And you can actually say I'm actually not doing that good, and they proceed to listen Tell me about that day. You do this with me. It's important. I often being a little bit more extroverted or appearing to be more extroverted in life. It often is how are you? And they expect me to say I'm fine, and so many times I have not been fine and I've said, yeah, I'm fine, but again, like you were saying as well being able to read your friend and saying no, I call bullshit. Tell me what's happening, what's happening in your life, and maybe digging a little deeper and asking those questions and just being there to listen. You do not have to give advice, you don't have to do anything.

Kristy - FriendHer: 51:00

Sometimes you don't even know the answers.

Rose Oates: 51:01

No, you can just go. Let's go for a walk, Just clear your head.

Kristy - FriendHer: 51:05

If you were to ask me what my second red flag was, it would be a friend who doesn't ask you back how you are.

Rose Oates: 51:11

Ooh, or they just talk about themselves the whole conversation, or if you just say, yeah, I'm okay, and they're like oh yeah cool.

Chrystal: 51:18

Back to me. We spoke about this last week.

Kristy - FriendHer: 51:20

Okay, he's not good and back to me Like cool, awesome, I'm not okay, but hey, you didn't read that.

Rose Oates: 51:28

Or they didn't want to, or when the conversation flips so it's like, oh, we're hearing about you or you're doing really badly, blah, blah, blah. Oh my God, me too. That happened to me and listened to my story and of course, their stories are valid as well.

Kristy - FriendHer: 51:41

But Pick your timing yes let's have that conversation.

Rose Oates: 51:45

Let's just wait hear your friend out.

Chrystal: 51:48

Yeah, Unless you have to shake it out of her, because I feel like last week you were like super overwhelmed. I was like Rose, what's going on? You're like nothing. I just got a lot on. What do you have on? Nothing much just work. But what? Yeah? Yeah, I was like, is it this thing that you're working on? No, is it that thing you're working on? No, I was like Rose, what's going on?

Rose Oates: 52:07

You're like come on, just I'm like let me in, yeah, and I think that's my point, is the fact that she was trying and that is an act of service to me 100%, and I felt loved because she wasn't like you're like, come on, man, like something is causing you to feel really.

Chrystal: 52:21

I was getting frustrated. Yeah, she was like Rose.

Rose Oates: 52:24

She wanted to slap me and also, I think sometimes I don't know what it is until you start breaking it down. So it is so damn important. I think we're going to wrap it up because I think we could absolutely talk to you all day and we'll probably have you back, because this has just been the best conversation and we've learned so much about you and so much about how normal it is to have different kinds of friendship, to know that you're not alone if you don't have this massive village and that you can do something about it. But Crystal's going to throw some wild questions at you just to lift the mood and line stuff up.

Chrystal: 53:02

So my question is if we got invaded, if Earth got invaded by aliens, what would be your talent that you would show them so that they know that you're worth keeping? It's a bit of a tricky one.

Kristy - FriendHer: 53:16

We've turned the corner here. It's been my dance moves. Come on, I've got everyone on the dance floor.

Chrystal: 53:22

She's going to show them how to floss.

Rose Oates: 53:24

She's going to show them that this is the community word keeping. She's like I can be a leader in this.

Chrystal: 53:30

It's coming, guys, we might get invaded one day. Now I want to know yours. What's my secret talent? Yeah.

Kristy - FriendHer: 53:40

I like spinning this back around. Yeah, I wasn't ready for that.

Chrystal: 53:47

I'm going to say, being a decayed, I love making people laugh.

Rose Oates: 53:50

So I'll just try and make them laugh somehow.

Chrystal: 53:53

Yeah, I think yours is that too.

Rose Oates: 53:58

Actually, like I feel, put on the spot now, Aliens. What would I, you know, obviously? Oh no, I'd feed them.

Chrystal: 54:05

I'm a feeder.

Rose Oates: 54:06

I would be like mama Maria that's my chin here, but like mama Rosa, I would really. I just love entertaining and making people feel like included, and I feel like that over food and drink alcoholic or non-alcoholic, it doesn't bother me. I feel like you can get together in the community.

Chrystal: 54:26

I love aliens. Eat our brains, then you're.

Rose Oates: 54:28

No, then I'd be like we got to find a solution.

Kristy - FriendHer: 54:31

You just changed a diet. You'd convince them that our brains are unhealthy.

Rose Oates: 54:33

I'd be like vegan, like pasta. Have you tried my mama's pasta and then your ki?

Kristy - FriendHer: 54:40

Look, I'd pick you. I'd definitely pick you.

Rose Oates: 54:43

No, I'm not saying I would pick you.

Chrystal: 54:44

I was saying, I'm going to get my brain eaten.

Kristy - FriendHer: 54:47

I mean, I'm like food, I'm like more than that.

Rose Oates: 54:49

I think we'd eat food, Especially faster Entertainment and when you down dancing and community. I think actually that is everything you need in your life in the world and kindness.

Chrystal: 55:01

So where can people find you?

Kristy - FriendHer: 55:04

Best place is definitely Instagram. It's probably the easiest because we keep updated, mostly so at friend to underscore. Really wish there was no underscore, but anyway it was taken. We all got an underscore, don't you worry I got an underscore.

Rose Oates: 55:18

We will put everything in the show notes as well, so that you can find Christy and you can find friend her. So we want to thank you so much for taking the time today to come and chat with us, to chat with everybody, and you honestly did bear it all. So we want to take this time to thank you and to remind everybody to take care of yourself and take care of each other.

Kristy - FriendHer: 55:41

Well, thanks, girls, you're amazing. Thank you Bye.